Hoy, artista

Heath Insurance and Barter for Artists: I Have Some Questions

2012-02-11T20:46:00.001-05:00

One of the main reasons for artists not to be artists is health insurance. I know this has been the main reason why I have made huge career mistakes in the past. I have taken jobs that are bad for my health in order to get health insurance. In fact, I didn't have lymphedema before I had to sit for about 50 hours a week in 2005-2006 in order to work at a place that shall not be named in this post. Their health insurance was an HMO that, thank God, I didn't have to use for anything too serious. I felt trapped and did not know what to do until someone recommended Healthy New York as an alternative for lower cost health insurance. Still, it was exactly the same HMO with the same benefits. And the premium keeps going up each year.

Still, I was not too excited when I got an email a couple days ago about "the Lincoln Art Exchange program" The press release says that: "rather than paying for health care out-of- pocket, artists may pay through an art exchange barter system. For example, for every hour of musical performances, painting a mural or any other creative activity or service, the artist earns 40 “health credits” (the equivalent of $40) toward medical care. Eligible artists – ranging from actors, musicians, dancers, poets, writers and anyone making a living through a creative means – can access an array of affordable, comprehensive services, that include doctor visits, laboratory tests, hospitalizations, emergency care, medical and surgical procedures, dental care, prescriptions, ambulatory surgery and other services provided by the hospital. Eligibility will be based on the HHC Options program, a New York City Health and Hospitals Corporation’s financial services program that offers a sliding fee scale to low income or uninsured New Yorkers with fees starting as low as $15 for a doctor’s visit."

In principle, I think it is a good idea. But it left me wondering. If I were to need something extreme, like another transplant, would I be an indentured servant to the hospital my whole life? Is $40 an hour a fair wage when I charge no less than $50 and preferably $150 if I have to teach? What if you never actually need their services?

I think that what artists really need is real health insurance. If you are sick, you can't work. And if you are are healthy, you have to work, and not for "credits" at the hospital. It seems like a good initiative and I appreciate someone is addressing the issue... but who does it really benefit?

Any thoughts?

Mural Update

2012-02-10T12:23:00.000-05:00

Now I am only missing a few white spots. From here, it will be adding layers and details in gold with an outliner paint tube. Then cut and glue to the wall. I will also be doing the remaining walls of the bathroom with a version of the flowers, butterflies and leaves. That should be easier and faster!

Evolution Mural in Progress

2012-02-09T13:48:00.000-05:00

I know it does not look too impressive, but believe it or not, it's going well. The task of covering a large area with paint takes time and effort, especially when painting on the floor. I don't want to move it (I do have a large table right in front of the tiles) because I want to make sure that nothing moves and everything matches. The letters were incrediby hard to paint because I usually do them with a paint tube, but this time I chose to use a tiny 000 brush. I did not like the raised texture of the paint tube for the mural of a grown lady. They came out well and I had a full body stretch... 2 for 1!

The next step is painting the butterflies. That sould be the best!

[En espanol] Los secretos del SEO

2012-02-08T22:40:00.000-05:00

Querida Jefa,
Sé que haz estado laborando duro para que tu website Ángeles y Milagros sea todo un éxito. ¡Felicidades porque ahora tienes un tremendo site con muy buen tráfico! Y sé que la cosa sólo se pondrá mejor.
Estoy muy inspirada con tus esfuerzos, especialmente con todo el tiempo y esfuerzo que haz puesto en atraer más tráfico a tu website. Tengo una humilde petición: ¿Podrías darme a mi y a tus otros fieles lectores unos consejitos sobre ese tema? ¡Gracias!
un abrazo,
Tu Jefa

Como no jefa! Por algo nos llamamos jefa! Pues para empezar, hay que saber lo que es SEO, o Search Engine Optimization. No te imaginas el terror que le tenia a estas palabritas! No encontraba como entrarles, pero cuando me hicieron guía de Ángeles y milagros, no me quedo mas remedio que arrojarme al vacío y aprender.

Resulta que se trata de buscar la manera de que Google y el resto puedan identificar tus paginas de Internet. Hay frases que la gente busca mucho y que los buscadores reconocen. Se les llama "keywords". Si vas a escribir un post, lo mas recomendable es buscar primero cuales son las palabras clave que puedan ayudarte a conectarte con como la gente busca en Internet.

Por ejemplo, yo tengo un post en este blog que se titula "Poema de cumpleaños". Lo escribí inocentemente porque a veces le escribo poemas de cumpleaños en rima o chistosos a mis amigos y luego los pongo aquí. Pues resulta que miles de personas andan buscando poemas de cumpleaños con esas palabras clave. Por eso este es uno de los posts mas famosos de este blog. A nadie le interesa saber si pinto en el piso o si me gusto la exposición de Matisse, pero todo el mundo anda buscando un poema para enviarle a su novio en su cumpleaños!

La cruda realidad es que estas cosas cambian todo el tiempo pero al menos en este momento hay una manera de encontrar keywords. Se llama Google Adwords Keyword Tool. Allí puedes escoger palabras que se relacionen a tu post y ver cual seria la palabra o frase clave para el post. Por ejemplo, tu blog se llama Cascabel de Cobre. Si pongo esa frase en el buscador, me da 0. Sorry! Raquel Z (sin rivera) me da 1300 al mes. Puerto Rican music, 9,000 al mes. Caribbean Music 13,000 al mes. Download Free Music... 16,600,000. Es por eso que las visitas a Ángeles y milagros han subido tan rápido y las de este blog ni se le acercan: SEO.

Claro, este blog no tiene un propósito comercial a pesar de que tengo algunos links a mi Tes. y cosas asi. Lo escribo para mi y para quien llegue aquí. Pero si mi propósito fuera ganar dinero o vender algo, tendría que ver que es lo que busca la gente y presentarlo de tal manera que la gente llegue y vea.

Una vez que encuentres tus keywords o frases clave, usalas en el titulo del post, varias veces en el cuerpo del post y en el url del post. Leí también que es bueno usar dashes en vez de underscores en los títulos de url y fotos.

Aunque no soy experta en este tema, obviamente, esto es lo que he aprendido y me ha ayudado. Hoy estoy celebrando aquí con Julian (al único que le interesan estas cosas...jajajaj, Juan se duerme!) que mi site de Ángeles y milagros llego a casi 900 visitas. Para mi es como un acto de magia!

Así que, en conclusión, busca el ángulo del tema que la gente este interesada en buscar en Google, escoge tus keywords o frases, y ponlas en las distintas partes de tus posts. Luego nos cuentas como te fue!

Eso es todo por ahora, mañana: foto-update del mural de mi amiga Rosita. Luego de 16 hora pintando letras (creo que estoy exagerando solo por 6...) he terminado el poema!!! Ahora ya tiene cara, pelo, hojas y letras. Falta terminar todo el fondo, las flores y luego los miles de detalles dorados. Un trabajon. Y parezco un pretzel de tantas maromas en el piso intentando pintar letritas de 1 pulgada. Todo sea por el arte!!!! Cambio y fuera!

p.d. Perdonen los signos que faltan y alguno que otro acento: estoy en la pc y me canso de tanto intentarlo. Arriba las mac y la opcion+e!!!!!!

Mural in Progress

2012-02-01T20:22:00.000-05:00

I confess I was dreading these first steps of making a tile mural. The other murals on tile I have done fit on a large sized table, but this takes a whole wall, which means I have to work on the floor of my small studio. The first day I got to work (after getting my husband to cut and tape all the pieces of the image on paper...) I put down the contact paper, the tiles, the transfer paper and the image. After securing all this,I stopped and went on with other things, and expected to transfer the image the next day. Little did I know.

The next day I went upstairs normally and sat at the computer for a while to answer emails and all that office stuff, and then had to go downstairs. When I began to walk down the stairs, the pain was almost unbearable. My thighs were sore as if I had been exercising for hours. Squatting is not recommended for people who are out of shape...

Then I got nauseous, etc, etc. and had to go to sleep the whole day. So I could not sleep at night and worked at something else from the computer downstairs. Today, I finally got to the drawing, squatting some and sitting on the image some. I can already foretell the pain that awaits me. If my arms are informing me correctly, I will have to feast on painkillers tomorrow.

But a promise is a promise, I don't say no after I say yes. Two more of these... plus painting. If I survive I will certainly be in better shape and ready for yoga class. If I don't, well, you can give your condolences to Juan.

I just wish I had nothing else to do!

Learn How to make a tile mural with this tutorial.

Candy-Para Clary

2012-01-30T22:57:00.000-05:00

Te acuerdas de cuando corriamos a casa despues de la escuela para ver los ultimos minutos de Candy? Aqui va, por todo lo que nos perdimos!

Cómo añadir páginas a tu blog

2012-01-24T20:38:00.000-05:00

Hola Tanya querida, espero que estés bien. Yo por acá con mucho trabajo, ya lo habrás visto.

Por otra parte ya ví tu blog con más detenimiento y me parece súper organizado y así me gustaría modificar el mío; de hecho ya lo intenté cambiar como me dijiste, pero me manda a plantillas y cuando las aplico no me da el resultado deseado. Existe alguna manera manual para hacerlo? quisiera abrir varias categorías para organizar el contenido; para que cuando lo abran puedan ir a ver las fotos de los libros, los eventos, las invitaciones, las fotos, las semblanzas de autores, etc.

Te mando un abrazo muy grande y espero que el invierno pase pronto : )

Querida :)! Gracias por hacer una pregunta tan chévere. Tanto, que hasta fotos saqué para poder explicarte. ¡Aquí va! ¡Mucho éxito con tu página y fabulosas obras maestras!
p.d. ¡Que la gran-diosa de la historia te oiga! Creo que ya te oyó porque hoy estuvo bellísimo y me fui caminar por Nueva York, y el frío se calentó por un rato. Thank you Great History's Goddess!!!!

Entra a tu "dashboard". Haz click en "Edit Posts".

En el menú, al lado de "Edit Posts", haz click en "Edit Pages".

Estas son mis páginas en el blog "tanyatorres.blogspot.com". Puedes comparar lo que ves y lo que no ves.

Para añadir una página, haz click en "New Page".

Ahora ve a tu blog.

Haz click en "Design" en la parte de arriba a la derecha.

Donde dice "Pages" haz click en "Edit".

Marca todas las páginas que quieres que aparezcan en el menú de páginas de tu blog. Las que no marcas, no aparecen, pero están disponibles para enlazar. Haz click en "Save" y mira tu blog. ¡Listo!

How do I start with Etsy?

2012-01-21T10:52:00.000-05:00

"Hi Tanya!
I hope you are doing well. I know you are always busy, but I have a question(s) for you about Etsy, whenever you have a chance. I went to the site and read the info they have. I'm not registered yet.
I'm thinking about making simple necklaces with glass heart pendants (I have tons of those hearts), and sell them there. I see people have a store, does that mean a page with all the items the person sells?
How many items of the same to list? Tax? What are circles? And everything else you think someone new at this needs to know. Thank you so much. I learn so much from you!
Love,
A Lady With a Big, Shiny Heart"

Hi Sparking Heart! I will do my best to answer these questions. I an kind of new to Etsy, too, but I don't find it to hard to do. I guess the first step to Etsy is making those wonderful hearts. Have a bunch of different designs ready so when you finally list, you can have at least a whole page full of beautiful necklaces. I always feel a little disappointed when I go to a "shop" and find 3 listings, or 2. Not that I am not guilty of this once in a while, but you know how it is, we always expect others to be better than we are!

Anyway, enough cheap philosophy. Let's supply answers; What is a store, or shop? You got it! A page with listings. That's your shop. All you need to do is sign up and create some listings, and they will appear automatically on your new page when you publish them. You are also able to create categories. I have things like "Art Tiles," "Prints," "Greeting Cards," "Poetry Prints," and "Originals." But there is no need to have many different things. The best thing is to start.

How many items of the same to list? I list just one. When someone buys it, I re-list it. I have also bought from shops that have the same listing repeated in different places. This helps "fill" your shop. But unless you are selling tons of things in a day, you can probably re-list and save money. As they say in Spanish "para muestra un botón", all you need is a sample to sell something.

Tax? You will be able to assign the tax rate for the state where you live in the "Shipping and Payment section" in the menu under "Your Shop: (name of shop)" at the very top of the page when you sign in. If you have already assigned a tax rate in Paypal (which we all need to have before having a shop in Etsy,) this will not "double" the tax, so don't worry about it. You will also be able to create shipping profiles that you can assign to your listings. The best thing is to spend some time filling all these sections before launching your shop, so you can do your listings fast. Lucky for you, Etsy has greatly improved the process, so it will take you half the time it took me when I started last year!

What are "circles"? Hmmm, I have not yet figured this out! I know people add you to them and it's like you are comrades with them. I guess it helps your status in the eyes of your buyers, but there must be a better reason for them!

Etsy says: "Your circle is a great way to stay connected with other members of the Etsy community. When you add someone to your circle, you can see their stories on your activity feed. Learn more about Activity Feeds. There are many ways to use Circles. Some people you may want to add to your circle might be: friends, family, Etsy shops you like, or Etsians whose style you admire."

Some people are very active and add a lot of likes, others just a few or one every 10 years. Anyway, you have the option to see just info about your shop and yourself if your circle is too active. The great thing about Etsy is everyone is super polite and kind and peaceful. So it is a safe place to be in a circle!

Everything else:
Etsy must be the only place in Internet where you get sales just for listing them. I think I've had only one order from someone I know! Well, I have not had a lot of sales since I don't really do much to promote my shop, but ...

This brings me to the next point: Promote your shop! The main reason why I don't have a lot of sales is that I don't promote. A friend, Olga Ayala, told me that for a long time she did not have many sales since she was quiet about her shop, but when she began sharing her listings in Facebook, she started generating a lot more sales. My approach has been a little more direct. I post my pictures in my Facebook page and profile, and a lot of people have ordered this way. There is an "Etsian" called Flor Larios that has a great connection between her blog and shop and it seems she does great. Some people are literally making $100,000 just selling in Etsy.

Etsy newsletters are great for learning, one little post at a time. They give the same recommendation at least 5 times a year: take great photos. I scan my small paintings (It can't get more detailed than that!) and photograph large paintings outside in daylight. I only have a great camera (Nikon D70) and the help of my husband to hold the pictures. No staging for me, but I guess it would be a great idea for jewelry.

Finally, keep if fun, and sooner or later you will be an expert. Promote in a blog, in your Facebook profile and business page, and any other social network you belong to. Send informative and meaningful emails to your list, and let people see you in person, too, if you can manage after doing all this. Good luck to you and all of us trying to live "como nos da la gana", the way we are meant to live!

Wishing us all lots if Love and Freedom and Joy and Art!

(En español) ¿Cómo traigo visitas a mi blog?

2012-01-19T11:05:00.000-05:00

"acá tratando de... seguir una vocecita que me dijo hace poco "saca tiempo para tu sueno". Me lo dijo tan subliminalmente que se me ha pegado en la cabeza como una psicosis.Jajaja Esa fue una señora que se llama Tanya Torres. Y sé que sí, que es verdad, que me estanco y se me hace difícil salir del estancadero. Bueno necesito un tip. Que hago para atraer gente a mi blog? Escribir en mi página facebook y anunciarlo es una , lo se. Ya lo hice pero no tuve éxito. Enviar e-mails ya lo hice y nada. Crear un evento es otra, lo estoy planeando. Bueno creo que debo darme a la tarea de escribir un mensaje semanal hasta que les azote en la cabeza y se anoten. Pero también creo que necesito un entrenamiento para bloggers, no sabes de uno? Bueno si me das uno de tus tips te lo agradeceré."

Querida Azotadora:
¡Qué bueno que se te metió ese mensaje en la cabeza! ¡Es que es lo mas importante del mundo!!! Y si no haces realidad tu sueño,

quien lo va a hacer por ti? Es por eso que se lo digo a la gente, porque yo antes de vivir mis sueños era muy infeliz. Lo bueno es que ya empezaste y que estas en camino. O mejor dicho, lo estas viviendo porque incluso el proceso de pensar en vivir tu sueño es parte de vivirlo.

Hablando de blogs:
Yo soy una estudiante tan mala que mejor no me apunto en nada. Pero soy muy buena lectora y todo lo que haya por aprender ya está escrito (o te toca escribirlo a ti...) Por eso, te recomiendo que hagas lo que yo hago. Cuando estoy tomando café por la mañana antes de empezar a trabajar, me pongo en la computadora y escribo en google: "art business". Leo absolutamente todo lo que me encuentro, 5 o 10 minutos cada vez. Es increíble lo mucho que se puede aprender con este método, y es gratis. De vez en cuando compro alguno de los productos de los mejores escritores, si pienso que puedo aprender mas allá de lo que ponen en sus blogs y artículos. Pero para serte muy sincera, casi todo lo aprendo leyendo posts. En mi caso, escribo "art business" o "art marketing" porque es lo que me interesa aprender, pero la verdad es que los conocimientos son los mismos si escribes otra frase con "business" o "marketing". Las estrategias son más o menos lo mismo.

Hay varias cosas que puedes hacer para traer mas lectores a tu blog. Las has intentado, pero te falta una clave: repetir. Y repetir. Y repetir. La gente que esta en facebook por la mañana no es necesariamente la de por la noche.

Debes postear contenido de calidad en tu blog a
l menos una vez a la semana. Sí, la calidad
es lo más importante.
Si a las personas les gusta lo que tienes que decir, pueden interesarse en leer más o asistir a tus talleres o tomar un curso. Pero tienen que conocerte primero, saber qué haces, tener confianza en ti.

No es lo mismo ordenar un libro por Internet que verlo en la librería, donde lo puedes hojear y evaluar. Pero si ya conoces al autor, ni lo abres. Lo llevas y ya. ¿Te acuerdas de ese libro que mencioné hace unas semanas? He visitado el blog de la autora muchas veces y he visto sus posts en otros blogs. Al fin algo me hizo comprar el libro. Como que le tengo confianza, como que siento que lo que ella dice tiene base y me puede ayudar. Pero me he leído muchos, muchos posts de su blog para llegar a esa conclusión.

Hay otro chico que leo que es bloguero profesional y su blog se titula "The Art of Non Conformity". Escribe sobre "travel hacking" y sobre vivir "como te de la gana". No soy tan viajera, aunque si soy un poquito travel hacker ya que al menos uno de los pasajes a Praga me lo compre con millas de mi tarjeta de crédito. Ese tema no me apasiona, pero vivir como me dé la gana, ¡ja! Ese sí. Todavía no he llegado a comprar sus productos porque se que no los voy a usar en estos momentos y tal vez ya estoy avanzada para lo que describen, pero te lo recomiendo a ti porque creo que es el curso Empire Building Kit te puede ayudar con esto.

Y un ejemplo de la vida real. ¡Quién sabe si fue lo que me creo este business wish! Mi papá es un fanático del billar. Vive billar, respira billar, juega billar, ¡ no me sorprendería que de vez en cuando duerma en el billar! Por un tiempo escribía una columna de billar en un periódico local allá en Puerto Rico. Después de un tiempo, publicó un libro sobre cómo jugar billar. Cuando lo anunció en su columna semanal, pasó algo maravilloso. Un día fuimos al correo a buscar cartas y cuando las vimos ¡eran muchas! Un montón de cartas con cheques adentro. No recuerdo cuánto costaba el libro. Pero cómo nos disfrutamos ese maravilloso momento. Por qué tuvo éxito: sus lectores le tenían confianza, lo reconocían como experto porque el les había dado contenido de calidad semana tras semana por al menos un año si no más.

Escribir calidad es el primer paso, pero distribuir la calidad es el segundo. ¿Te acuerdas que me dio por mandar artículos por todos lados? Mandé a Empty Easel, mandé a Sage Woman, escribí más aquí. Escribir en otros blogs me trajo trafico, y me ayudó también para el trabajo en About. La gente que disfruta de lo que escribes en otros blogs se anima a ver el tuyo y se anotan en tu lista.

Respecto a eventos, no se mucho de eso. Si es un evento en persona, es lo mejor. Asegúrate de pedir tú los emails, pues la gente se va a casa y se olvida de tu tarjeta de presentación. Claro, no todo el mundo, pero la mayoría. Lo de conocer a la gente en persona siempre es numero 1. No hay nada como el contacto humano, la calidez de un encuentro. Pero por Internet, no se si los eventos sean tan efectivos si no se tiene una lista grande y una gran tribu de seguidores. Mi estrategia es tener presentaciones

en vivo
de mi arte cuando es posible. Y también me ayuda postear en el blog y en Facebook lo que voy haciendo.

Es extremadamente importante contestar todos los mensajitos que dejan los amigos y fans. Cada persona es muy importante porque sin eso no hay más nada. Así que yo le agradezco a cada persona su mensaje. Si algún día se me quedan algunos sin contestar, me perdono y si puedo, les escribo más adelante. Pero intento contestar todo. Te advierto que no es tarea fácil. A veces paso más de un par de horas al día en esto. Especialmente porque escribo demasiado! jajaja! ¡Mira que testamento te estoy escribiendo a ti!

También es importante comentar en blogs y dejar link a tu blog. Mi mejor ejemplo es Espacio Asiray. Mi amiga Yari me tiene en su blog y adivina... Muchas veces es el máximo conducto de trafico. ¡Sus lectores me visitan a mi también! ¡Algo bueno debe ella haber escrito ahí!!! Un día una amiga me dijo: Si no lees otros blogs, nadie te va a leer a ti. Bueno, no es 100% correcto, pues yo comento en muy pocos blogs y casi nunca lo hago con la intención de atraer tráfico, pero si es una estrategia para atraer trafico. Lo que pasa es que a mí no me gusta esta estrategia porque me parece hipócrita. Así que eso depende da cada cual.

Por último, aunque seguramente hay más, mucho más, el tip máximo para atraer trafico es el SEO. Suena bien complicado y yo he tenido que aprender por la fuerza. Pero el otro día cambie algunas frases en mi otro blog para ver qué pasaba e increíblemente los hits subieron ese mismo día. SEO se trata de usar frases clave que la gente esta buscando en Internet.

En este blog el post #1 es "Poema de cumpleaños". Por pura casualidad di con una palabra clave y la gente llega buscando ese post. Pero el propósito de este blog no es atraer trafico o vender cosas, sino el puro desahogo, cultivar mis propios sueños y ayudar a mis amigos en los suyos, así que no pongo mucho esfuerzo en esas cosas. El otro blog pronto será mi website y solo tiene mi arte y escritura acerca de las piezas, así que ese es el blog que me interesa promover más pues es mi trabajo artístico. Por eso fui a Google Adwords Keyword tool y busque frases relacionadas a mi arte. Así encontré la mejor manera de escribir los títulos para que la gente los encuentre. Tal vez Oil painting sea demasiado general pero "Exotic ladies" o "Tile painting" funcionan mejor para atraer gente a la página.

Eso lo aprendí con About.com. Lo que me lleva al ultimo punto de este "tip" extendido. ¿Cuantos años llevo escribiendo Hoy, artista? Como 7. ¿Cuantos hits mensuales? Como 1,200. ¿Cuanto tiempo llevo escribiendo Ángeles y milagros? Desde noviembre. ¿Cuantos hits mensuales? Va por unos 2,600 o más. ¿Por que? Porque la gente va buscando ese tema. Mucha, mucha gente quiere saber de ángeles. 1,000,000 para ser mas exactos. Muy poquísima gente quiere saber de lo que escribo aquí. La mayoría vienen por casualidad y se van. Los que se quedan tienen una conexión personal, profesional o espiritual conmigo. Y, realmente, ¿cuánta gente quiere saber cómo se ve mi estudio por dentro? Solo gente especial! jajajaj! Así que mi consejo es: Mantén tu nombre en tu site, pero busca una frase que la gente este poniendo en google todos los días y añádesela al nombre de tu blog como una especie de eslogan. Eso te hará resaltar más.

Después de este mamotreto, espero que no te hayas desmayado. Recuerda: si trabajas solo 1/2 hora al día, al final del año tendrás muchas horas invertidas y muchos éxitos alcanzados. A veces toma más tiempo. Hay cosas que uno logra después de mucho tiempo. Lo importante es disfrutar el proceso. Si no lo disfrutas, es mejor no hacerlo y buscar algo que disfrutes en la mayoría de sus facetas. Yo con los blogs me disfruto todo: escribir, contestar, poner fotos, whine! De todo. Es una adicción. Si no se siente así, se convierte en un trabajo, y quien quiere trabajar? Abajo el trabajo como diría Laura, la amiga de Raquel. ¡Arriba el disfrutar de cada momento de la vida! De eso se trata. ¡A escribir, escritora!!!

Happiest Day of 2012

2012-01-18T17:49:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, I finally got my mind where if found the ideas I needed for the food paintings that are going to the East Harlem Bilingual Head Start. I have several salads turned fish and a cheese dog, which will not be a hot dog, by the way. They are fun and I am happy with the designs, but because I worked with a very light pencil, they are not worth scanning and posting here. So that's the nine little canvases (9" x 12") The three bigger ones are for Prague.

My husband helped me cut and put together the designs for my friend Rosa Velazquez's bathroom. Her bathroom is now officially started! Well, I began this project a while ago, but the design process took a longer than expected and then Christmas and the New Year and the Three Kings arrived, so we had to postpone it. Now I expect to be painting the tiles by next week.

In the scanner...

is this 9" x 12" canvas of Mother and Child, a painting I begun after painting all the reds on the food paintings. It was inspired by the Virgin and Child of the Church of the Nativity in Jerusalem, which I saw while watching a video of the priests fighting with brooms in the church. Yes, Orthodox and some other denomination were actually fighting with brooms, wish I could remember where the video was posted. Luckily, I saw the beautiful painting and didn't entirely waste my time watching such things!

Why this was a happy day? I feel I gave a good push to the work that has been keeping me up at night, and now I know everything will be done before leaving for Prague in April. I am completely scared to death and don't even want to think about it, but looking forward to it!

I am also looking forward to going to Albuquerque in August... but that's a secret story for now and has more to do with the drawing than with anything else...

Art and Business Resources for artists

2012-01-16T11:18:00.000-05:00

I am not getting paid for this! This is what I actually use:

overnightprints.com: Do Not order the cheap printed cards, they scratch easily and are generally not worth it. The greeting cards were also a disappointment. But the offset postcards and business cards are excellent. UV coating is really nice. I use them since 2003.

Epson.com: Printers, scanners and papers: For many years I used the C84, then the C88+. Now I have the Photo 1400. I just can't see myself letting go! The papers are the best.

Dickblick.com: For many, many years I faithfully visited Pearl Paint on Canal Street, Chinatown, where all artists go. But around 2005, they began being out of stock far too often, making me go around the city in search of what I needed. So I finally began to order exclusively through the Internet. Best thing? I don't have to carry 100 pounds of art supplies in the subway! When I feel like going shopping, I go to their store on Bond street. Two manageable floors instead of 5 and an old elevator at Pearl. Of course, if you are a tourist in NYC, DO NOT miss going to Pearl. It is required!

UADC Long Island City, NY 11101 Office: 718-786-9056, 718-786-5601
www.printandmat.com uadcinc@gmail.com
I order my mats, backings and clear bags from them. The prices are so good that even when you have them ship them to you, it is still worth it. A photographer recommended them and I have saved hundreds of dollars in mats ever since. They also have decent, inexpensive frames.

Etsy.com This is a super place for supplies and interesting materials. This is where I found the Sun and Moon glaze as well as the necklace and ring kits I have been exploring lately. Also, I found a great seller for transparent bags for greeting cards. You can buy small quantities for very comfortable prices. Just type what you are looking for in the search box and choose "supplies" before you search. I never thought etsy would be such a great resource.

mosaicartsupply.com and mosaicmercantile.com
This is where I buy my mosaic pieces. Mosaic Mercantile is higher quality, mosaicartsupply is cheaper.

USPS.com I recently got tired of going to the post office, so I invested in a little scale and some stamps. I also ordered their free priority mail supplies. So much better and faster!!!! And... no fees like the postage services. In fact, you get a small discount for using their shipping services online.

thehomedepot.com: I have spent so many hours of my life at this store that I dread the name. Luckily, now they ship for free, so I will do my best not to spend more than 2 hours a year at the actual store. By the way, calculate your tiles with this excellent tile calculator. One of the great discoveries of 2011!

ebay.com: I don't use ebay too much, but I found they sell the tie tacks I use to make pins for the best price I have been able to find so far.

uline.com I try to recycle every single box I get from the mail, but once in a while I need cardboard for packaging or other shipping supplies. Excellent service, good prices.

Hope this is helpful! If I think of anything else, I will keep adding to this post.

Further Thoughts

2012-01-12T14:27:00.000-05:00

Butterfly Secrets by Tanya Torress, Acrylic on tile, 6" x 6", 2011

Sometimes I write a post, people respond to certain things in it, and I stay thinking about what I really meant or wanted to say.

When I created Battle Body, everybody liked it. I mean everybody. The best artists I know, people who are not artists, church people, art critics, reporters... Most of my press cuttings are about that work. I got a two page spread in the main Puerto Rican newspaper. People invited me to present the work in great places. And then I quit for a while, got severely depressed and quite crazy, reemerged as a new person and here I am, writing about how I am going in a different direction.

The problem is that as soon as you succeed at something, people will start placing labels on you, will want to keep you in the same square box.

One day a young woman was so excited to meet me, I was doing great things, bringing a workshop to little kids in the Hatian Batey in Dominican Republic. She wanted people to meet me, she was a big fan. But then she found out that, during that same trip, I was also going to have a show in a museum. She hated me after that.

I think that is what I was feeling behind all the words I wrote for the previous post. The feeling that I don't want to be what people think I am, but what I am now, for now. No promises about next year.

But at some point between successful and crazy, I felt myself craving the attention all this was giving me. I did not like that about myself, so I decided it was time to quit. No more talking about this theme. I put away Battle Body. I would make the occasional mention, if it was helpful to another human being, but until Friday, the pieces were in my basement.

What was there left to do? Only one thing: go forward. Reinvent. Destroy, and create.

There is the motto my friend Raquel and I live by: "Hacer lo que nos dé la gana." It means "do whatever we want" in a disdainful but happy tone, meaning we don't care what others want us do. And she is a Sociology Ph.D. who prefers to live a New Mexican adventure...

So that's what I do. And it actually works. People actually like my non-cancerous work! It's a miracle!

The lesson is: Do what you want, when you want, the way you want. After all, you have to live with yourself, and your art. I would sincerely never place those Battle Body pieces in my living-room. They are museum pieces!

For me, I paint Mary Magdalenes, goddesses with green hair, muses, and even mermaids. And Eros and Psyche, the Three Kings, little birds, moms and babies. And it makes me so much happier when people order a print or a tile than having a fancy show of the Battle Body series. I know it does not quite make sense... but it is the truth.

One more thing about creating happy art. If I were sad, if something really terrible had happened in my life, I probably would be processing things differently. But when I look around me, I can only see the good, and the beautiful, and the miracle of this life I live every day.

Yesterday my son turned 14. His grandma brought a cake, I texted him to come with his friends, and a bunch of teens filled my apartment with their joyful, free, careless presence.

That's the happiness I am talking about. It has nothing to do with me. It is an atmosphere that permeates all. And although, this too shall pass, I will not look beyond. There is just too much to feel right now.

Battle Body

2012-01-06T09:39:00.000-05:00

An old friend called me last week to invite me to participate in an exhibition. He wants the Battle Body images. For some reason, I have mixed feelings about showing them. I am showing them, no issue with that, but it feels strange to unearth that work, after so many years.

It made me think about my current work, how on the opposite side of the spectrum it is, how it seems I have had an about face in terms of my images. It has not been completely unconscious. I have wanted that, even if it costs me prestige in the art community. I am well aware that my current work lacks conflict, pain, which seems an essential ingredient of high art. But that is not what I want to put in the world right now. I feel I add more to people's lives if I give images of post cancer as an experience of learning, evolution towards peace, love, joy, a different truth of living than the one you perceive while in the hospital, while bald and in pain and under the influence of morphine.

My life and view of the world are so different now. They have moved away from the body, and into the imagination and the ideal. Most people can't conceive of that world yet. That's why I make it my job to show it.

Still, Battle Body is a testament, what you leave behind when you die. I can't bury it, it is good work and what turned me into an officially professional artist. People still ask to buy the books, all gone. I can't bury it if it might help someone. So I show it, even if it is so far behind now.

First Step: Website

2012-01-04T23:22:00.000-05:00

Exotic Lady: One of the images in the "Art on tile" page in my other blog, soon to be my main website.

After scaring myself to death by reading that book, I decided to follow my own advice and tackle the project of updating my marketing tools a little bit at a time. Since I cannot find the courage to look at my mailing list, I decided to begin with the website. First, I had a decision to make.

I needed to decide whether to find a new service for my website (since Mac is discontinuing its iweb service) or simply use my other blog as a website. I had been considering that decision for a very long time, and was simply unable to figure out which was best.

I really am not up to figuring out how to use Dreamweaver properly to build a decent website, and anyway, I like blogs better. They are easy to use, and more interesting to read. They are more dynamic. But I was wondering what the world out there thinks about using a blog as a website. It seems many artists are using them as their main website. I am joining their ranks.

My hesitation came mostly from trying to figure out how to build effective galleries within the blog. Should I link to flicker or other such service? I was not too thrilled with that idea since the whole point of a website is to have everything there and not in 20 different places. But then I clicked on my own pictures and discovered (or rediscovered, I had forgotten) that there is an automatic slide show almost exactly like what I have right now in the mac template. Problem solved: I began making pages that feature different series, which go on the top menu. I still kept the page that says "art portfolio" and will probably create other "hidden pages" that will link to that. For now I am using SEO (well, I'm no expert, but I'm learning about it...) to create pages that will bring in new viewers. Judging from my facebook page new likes, it seems to be working! I am guessing the new people have liked it from the blog.

Why I chose the blog for my website? It is so much easier to update, and it is a more playful and fun process than a formal website. Each post updates it and it is easier to link to other social media or make updates to pages, keep a mailing list going automatically, even add paypal links. Is it a good decision? I don't know! It is the right decision for me at this moment.

I contemplated wordpress for a minute, but decided to stay with blogger. My name is already at the top of the list with www.tanyatorres.blogspot.com when someone googles it, so why not take advantage of that. For now, I think it is best to keep it all in one place and make the best of it. As soon as I am done, I will redirect www.tanyatorres.com to the welcome page I created and good bye fuchsia website for ever! Still lots to do, but at least I took one little step in the forward direction.

Tiles

2011-12-21T19:25:00.001-05:00

I am painting, painting, painting, tiles, tiles, tiles... and getting ready to do a bathroom in January. The painting practice has been good preparation or the task. I am publishing these images here as an experiment previous to moving and redoing my website very soon.

Today was a great day (even though I only finished one little item in endless and overwhelming my to do list...)

Facebook Messages

2011-12-21T02:54:00.001-05:00

If I end this year exhausted, somewhat sad, restless, a little confused... it doesn't matter. I have at least 100 facebook messages, probably a lot more than that, congratulating me on my birthday. And they don't all say just "happy birthday," which is great just by itself, but many have words and thoughts and connection, and they really touched my heart deeply. If there is one reason to pass by facebook everyday, for me, it is to say happy birthday to people. I think having the opportunity to be older is great, even if you have to put up with wrinkles and grey hair and all the other stuff that comes with extra years.

I feel a little ashamed at my sadness, and my sleeplessness tonight, but "this too shall pass." Still, I am grateful for being alive, and well. Today will be a great day (repeat 3 times). Life and light are reborn today.

Escapulario de la Virgen de Guadalupe: How to Make a Scapular

2011-12-14T07:56:00.001-05:00

My cousin's wife wrote to me with a strange request: she asked if I would make her an escapulario with the Virgin of Guadalupe. She said it was ok to use my own image, all she wanted was something done by me. I've been working on it for a while, since I had never done something like this before. Luckily, a while ago I discovered a great material called Sun and Moon Glaze that will make any piece of paper look made in Heaven! So here it is. And here goes the lesson plan, too!

Materials:
2 pieces of matboard cut to desired size
1 picture of a saint (the traditional scapular is of Our Lady of Mount Carmel)
1 picture of a prayer
acrylic paint in your color of choice
glue
scissors
embroidery floss in your color of choice
crochet hook

How to make the escapulario:
1. Cut the matboard to the size you want.
2. Print and cut the picture and the prayer a little smaller. I first designed them to size in Photoshop.
3. Paint the cardboard with acrylic paint.
4. Glue the pictures to each front of the cardboard.
5. Crochet a long chain. It should be more or less double the length of a long necklace.
6. Glue the chain to the back of each cardboard. A scapular hangs down the front and back of the chest.
7. Use Sun and Moon Glaze to seal the chain side of the cardboard. Let dry overnight.
8. Use Sun and Moon Glaze to seal the picture side of the cardboard. Let dry overnight.
9. Bless it and give it to someone you love!

Variation:
Just do one card front and back with a smaller chain, and create a medallion instead.

Excursion to The New York Times

2011-12-13T14:55:00.000-05:00

Days go by so fast, I don't know how long it's been -or not been- since I got back from Puerto Rico. It feels like 3 months have passed, but it is probably 3 weeks. I'm too lazy to check and it is not important. I've been working hard, trying to catch up with everything I had to do after the trip. May be that is why, lately, I dislike traveling.

Even traveling downtown! But yesterday, I had to go to an event for the new guides at About.com, and even though I could have declined, I was curious to see The New York Times building. I never had realized there was a building called that. So, unangelically, and newyorkishly, I dressed all in black to hide the fact that after so many years working in my studio, I have lost the ability to figure out how to dress these days. I always feel overdressed. It's a San Germán, Puerto Rico, thing. There I always know how to dress, and might even underdress. But in New York, the dress code is so strange, I just can't get it.

It was a cold day and I kind of wanted to quit and stay, but went on my way to 41st Street and 8th Avenue. I felt a little like a tourist arriving on 42nd street after many years. It has not been many years, but I still felt wonder at all the glitter and lights and people. I was in a much better mood by now.

When I arrived, and saw the lobby, I wanted to laugh. It was weird, very very strange. Right in the middle of the tall space is an enclosed tropical garden with palm trees and grass. Just that, no plants or orchids, or flowers of any kind, or at least some of those leafy prehistoric plants we see in El Yunque. It certainly is not one of those gateways to the forest that Edgardo Vega Yunqué mentioned in his Loisaida Jungle... Well, this is not the Lower East Side anyway.

The guard told me I was too early and better wait if I didn't want to be the first one going up, and I wholeheartedly agreed. So I waited, suspecting any other out of place person of being a new guide like me.

Finally, a young woman came down to gather her herd and took us upstairs. The elevators impressed me. The buttons are numbered on the outside, which means there are no buttons to press when you get it, Luckily, there were the other guides around me, so we could all disappear into the NYT jungle together and reemerge, hopefully not, in that strange non-jungly green space.

So there we were, some people knew each other, others had better social skills than me and knew what to do. I tried to be less antisocial and join the little groups that were forming to talk about... About.

I have to say, I am really excited about my Ángeles y milagros About. It is just fun and brain powering to figure out how to write this or that, what to do next, what it could be, what I could create with it. Right now I am quite obsessed with the task and do not resent it at all. In fact, I have to stop myself from working too much because it just takes over my mind most of the time.

But being around strangers just leaves me speechless and awkward. I just wanted to perform my task and go.

In the process, I got to talk with the editors, Ángela and José, and that was really nice. I also managed to engage the Maquillaje guide into conversation and that was also great because she gave me a ton of tips. She began about a year ago and has been quite successful at it. I also met the Dinero guide, a great guy from Ecuador, who seemed really interested in angels, and other topics from my site. The Actividades de familia guide was nice and enthusiastic, but I think she found our conversation about Connie Méndez and the Archangel Michael unappealing and strange... I don't blame her! A few years ago I would have thought exactly the same way. But now I don't have to be so realistic!

The good thing was that José, who encouraged me to apply to Ángeles y milagros, kept mentioning that I am an artist, and that balanced things a bit. I am an artist who writes, nothing wrong with that!

Sometimes I am a writer who paints.

I can't do one without the other. Art is my profession. Writing is my addiction. I wish art were my addiction, but that's not the way it works for me. I have to make sense of things in writing, then art goes forward. It is so much easier to sit down and write than to stand up and paint. Yet, in those hours when I create visual things I am probably doubly engaged. I notice because it is so physical. I finish tired and deeply satisfied, most of the time.

So, after giving my presentation, which should have been:

Yo soy Tanya Torres, guía de Ángeles y milagros. Mi pasión es ayudar a las personas a crear una vida más milagrosa mediante el estudio de temas espirituales y el desarrollo del pensamiento creativo. Por eso escribo artículos y entradas de blog que informen y guíen al lector en su búsqueda espiritual personal. Mediante el estudio de los ángeles y los milagros, quiero crear un recurso de información seria y a la vez entretenida. Espero que Ángeles y milagros ofrezca un oasis de paz, amor y alegría a los lectores de habla hispana de About.com, sin importar cuál sea su camino espiritual particular.

but which I ended up improvising on the spot to go with the flow, I relaxed a little, ate little cakes and sweets that were beautifully displayed in the middle of the room, tried to engage with the other guides now that I actually knew what they wrote about, and as soon as I could, left.

It was an interesting experience, which made me think of why I took that job in the first place: so I would not have to be with people, talk to people and go to meetings! Sounds awful. But it is true. It only applies to the offices of the world. To the corporations. To the publishing businesses. Even The New York Times.

Thank you Great History's Goddess for the Internet: a true agent of liberation for the artist's soul!

(In Spanish) Artículo sobre comprar arte

2011-12-01T22:25:00.000-05:00

En caso de que estés pensando comprar arte para tus regalos de navidad, comparto este artículo de la colega Sara Lasso en About en Español: Prepárate para comprar arte.

Te recomiendo:

El CD de Raquel Z. Rivera

Los libros de Yarisa Colón

Las muñecas de Mercedes Molina
Las esculturas y prendas de Olga Ayala
Las máscaras de Juan Carlos Suazo
Regalitos de mi tienda (wink!)

From Puerto Rico to the Emergency Room

2011-11-30T16:18:00.000-05:00

This must have been one of the toughest vacations ever. It was not even a vacation. There was so much dust and paint smell from construction in the house my mother is repairing, I spent half the time in bed, the rest visiting family. Still, I was well enough the night before leaving. I took the car and visited 4 important people between 5:30 and 12 p.m. It really was the only blissful moment, and I even thought I was already well.

I have been wondering what happened, if I was in shock for being in my childhood home, a home with memories of a family and a person that no longer is. It is a nice house, comfortable and fresh, but I have just never wanted to return there. I missed so much the silence of my abuela Miguelina's house, being cut from all communication and from all voices, closing doors and lying in bed all day, showering at 6 p.m. and getting in the car to go to town and visit Waldemar, my only single friend who can hang out with me every night in front of the cathedral talking about nothing, remembering, just being there for the sake of our old friendship and history. We can be children again for a while, 8 year olds commenting on simple things and other nothings, or we can be buisness people and talk about our passions, or we can just look down from our perch on the long stairs and see the other people who have claimed the night and the plaza. I think I had a tantrum for not getting any of this, I think that's what happened.

And yesterday, we left, my mom and I, from San German to San Juan, and we left it all behind like it never happened. In fact, it didn't happen.

The flight home seemed to make my cough worse, and, once in New York, during the drive home, I felt cold and like life was trying to leave me. After taking a long warm shower and going to bed, I spent the next 12 hours or so in agony.

I had all these fantasies, I think it was the fever making me try to figure out how long I have left to live, and whether the soul truly will leave this body behind and be rid of it once and for all and liberate itelf. I thought I needed to get the ladies at Holy Rosary to pray a lot for me and have a healing mass with them and all my shaman, reiki, poetic friends to support the event. Then I thought, my ego is really getting a kick out of this! I want to be the center of attention and that's what it is all about, so I gave up on that idea. But then I felt that I really needed their prayers because they are like my grandmother praying and thought I might ask them after all. But I don't have the guts! Then I started writing my next blog post for Angeles y milagros and remembering what a young man with phychic abilities had told me about a vision he had of me while I was reading my book at the presentation of Destellos de Sofia in my childhood town. I saw the luminous man he saw and the candle between us, and us on top of a mountain, the luminous being and I, holding hands in silence.He must have been an angel, with all these thoughts and writing about angels, maybe he is finally showing himself to me. Then I wrote more. Articles. I wrote so much last night, but each time I finished an article, I woke up and it was gone. That was frustrating. They were good articles, very interesting, I assure you!

I could not breath properly. I could not sleep much. I felt pain in my chest and back, I had a fever. In the morning, I managed to drag myself out of bed and tell my husband to take me to the emergency room. I dreaded seating there for hours on end if they thought I was not sick enough, but anything was better than being at home unable to breath.

Luckily, I guess because they asked about my medical history, they sent me in immediately and had me lie down for the next 5 hours, IV and all, chest x-ray, electrocardiogram, the works!

The beeps were unbearable, the cries too, and I wondered if my intolerance toward noise in Puerto Rico had been a symptom all along. I had a terrible time managing the loud TVs and voices, music from bad radios, construction. I had to ask my grandma to lower the TV when she asked me to sit nearer her. It was that bad!

But now, I'm home, sweet home, and I will never ever leave again (smile, not true!) Last night my husband had sushi for me and lemon pound cake; Julian grew in one week and is even hairier than when I left. They had fixed the living room and everything looked so nice. Even though I felt awful, arriving home was such a pleasure, a gift. Bronchitis and all.

Ah, and today Dona Ramona cooked a hen soup that revives the semi-dead. And I thought I didn't like hen soup...

I still feel pretty awful, and am about to miss some deadlines, but what can I do? At least I'm here, in my silent home, with my silent cat and child and husband and suegra. It feels good. All is good. I'm not dying anytime soon.

Dear Raquel,

2011-11-21T05:44:00.000-05:00

I'm going to Puerto Rico in a few hours, but I need to let you know something that happened Saturday and that I think is going to remind you of why you do what you do.

A woman came by my table at the art fair. She asked who painted the Mary Magdalene on the postcard. She had been there last year, but I was not present at the time. When they guided her to me, she told me:

"I bought the CD last year and as I read the songs, I was drinking my tears. It was amazing how she (Raquel) was able to tell the true story of the Magdalene without offending anybody, not even the Catholic Church can say anything bad about it."

Well, I paraphrased a little, but that's what she said, in essence. She was looking for me because she wanted to buy the painting, but I told her it was in the church, and that I could bring her to see it if she wanted. And that I could paint her own Magdalene because this one belonged to the church.

Guess who she was? I asked her name and it sounded familiar, but I didn't know why, Well, that's because it was Margarita Lopez, the councilwoman. I knew I had heard her name, but being me, I didn't remember the politics of it. She said that was good, that Pedro Albizu Campos had once said he had wanted to be a poet, but he was needed in politics. That the artist's job is precisely to stay pure and not get into all that. I think that despite politics in NYC and what she must have had to endure, she is a genuine and pure person as well. Not only she cried with your CD, but her presence was very comfortable and warm. No walls, no pretensions.

Well, I just wanted you to know before I forget to tell you. So keep singing. Tears of joy are always welcome and needed in people's hearts.

Tanya

EL Curio Project: Pelo.te he dicho adiós un par de veces,pero me q...

2011-11-13T19:03:00.000-05:00

EL Curio Project:

Pelo.
te he dicho adiós un par de veces,
pero me q...:

Poem to my hair, in Spanish... It tells the story of my hair and our tortuous relationship, pre, during, and after cancer.

Spa for the Soul

2011-11-12T06:52:00.001-05:00

The Blue Robe by Will Barnet

Thursday was a beautiful day in New York City. Although I didn't know that the night before, when I could not sleep and ended up working in my studio until 4:30 a.m. And when that happens, I have to do something about it. So I decided that the next day I would take the morning off (which by the time I got out of the house was almost mid-day...) and go to the National Academy museum to see the Will Barnet exhibition.

First I had to decide the route. I thought of taking the Lexington bus, but then decided to walk to 5th Avenue instead and take the downtown bus there. By the time I reached 5th Avenue, I was loving the day so much that I decided to change once again and walk to 89th Street.

Central Park was joyous! The leaves were a rainbow of fall colors and the luminosity of the day made whatever is left green just glow with life. There were flowers still bright in the gardens in front of the buildings facing Central Park. Isn't it surprising to see flowers after we even had snow? Well, I did see a gardener's van and a gardener entering it, but I won't spoil my wonder by thinking that he probably has a greenhouse where he grows colorful flowers! Even my flowers are still alive in front of my house and I do not have a greenhouse...

My shoe was bothering me, so I sat in front of El Museo to fix my socks, hoping to see one of my friends security guards, but I guess whoever works on weekends isn't there on Thursday. Anyway, that was probably a good thing since I didn't look too glamorous fixing my socks in public.

Problem fixed, and I went on walking down the Museum Mile. I felt so free doing that simple act: walking. At that moment I didn't want to be anywhere else or be anything else than a walking person. For some reason, I got all philosophical and began thinking about how we identify with certain roles. Like me=artist. I noticed that, yes, it was the artist that was enjoying this trip. But the one that needed to get away from the studio and the computer and the socializing, and be alone, in silence, interacting with the outside air and doing some living.

I remembered I had not slept much, and that the day before I had been stressed out, and wondered why or even how I could be stressed out when life is so good. I thought of what made me think of going out the next morning.

I was going upstairs to my studio and heard sounds in the hallway, not people sounds, but outside sounds. I looked at the hatch that goes to the roof and it was open. When I saw the sky, I felt like I should be out there, surrounded by the sky and the sounds of the night. It was a magnet, that little square of sky. But I'm afraid of climbing the ladder, and I am afraid of being on the roof by myself, so I resited. The feeling, though, was enough to remind me that there is more world outside my walls.

When I passed Heavenly Rest church, and saw the cafe, I thought I should sit there, but I didn't want to be out the whole day, so I walked a few more feet to the museum. There was a talk about bookmaking, so I paid and went looking for it.

There was a Japanese artist talking, and interesting projects on a pair of tables, but I was restless. I remembered my own talk the week before at York College, and hoped the students had not been bored like I was now. So I left. I felt really bad for the artist, she was doing her best in a foreign language, but lately, I am against sacrifice. I have been brave to walk out of two talks within the last 30 days, a great achievement for me since I always want to be extra nice. I apologized to the artist mentally and left to see the exhibition.

I had no idea who Will Barnet was, but the announcement on the subway and buses intrigued me. I liked the flatness of the figure in the painting, and the mysterious pose with a cat. I thought I could learn something from the artist, and was not disappointed! I loved the late paintings and especially a circular one hanging by the stairs titled Hera. But what really helped me or will help me are a series of paintings with a childish style that were so playful and free that they liberated my mind to continue the Head Start paintings in a new direction. I have been struggling with that project, and it is coming along, but not as fluidly as I would like. I think Will Barnet helped me. By the way, he is 100 years old and alive! The exhibition was worth the investment.

Going back, I decided for 5th Avenue again. Heavenly Rest Cafe called out to me once more and I could not resist. I bought a large peppermint tea and sat quietly for a while, just looking at the people entering the park at the reservoir and the tourists coming in and out of the cafe. I was un-nice again and put my bag and cardigan on a chair, preventing other people from joining me at the table. I knew I would not be there too long, but I still felt kind of selfish, a typical New Yorker! I needed that space, that aloneness. I didn't want to answer questions or hear a conversation. I wanted silence.

I walked back, got to work, finished projects, cooked a meal, got to bed early. This day New York was my spa for the soul. I'll remember it the next time I forget the human brain needs air, and art, to survive!

2 Art Business Tips for Artists

2011-11-11T06:06:00.005-05:00

Number 1
Have you ever tried to apply for a grant only to find out that you need "matching funds"? I have... and that made me give up.

But the other day I was giving a talk sponsored by Fractured Atlas, and the representative mentioned during the Q&A that you can use the donations of friends, family and your community as a source of matching funds. That had never occurred to me. I always thought that "matching funds" needed to be formal, like a school or a bank or some fancy organization.

I am looking at their website and it seems helpful. They have a way to get health insurance, which is a concern for artists, since we are usually freelancers.

Number 2
And since we are freelancers or part-time workers of the word and image, a while ago I joined the Freelancers Union. Yesterday, in their newsletter, they said something that called my attention: "Valuing your own worth: protect your time and business by using a contract for every job. Now you can sign in and generate one for free with our Contract Creator tool." I should know...

While I have been a freelancer most of my working life, I have only recently learned to use a contract every time, and I am still not applying this knowledge every time... Which has made me lose money several times. The funny thing is that when I send somebody a contract they never send it back signed, but just the fact I sent it seems to be enough to keep things clear. It is also a document that reminds me of how much I charged and for what. A couple of years ago, having it all in writing (not in a contract, but just an email) saved me from having to hire transportation and labor to install a mural. Because I had outlined these two points in an email, I was able to cite them when trouble arised.

Two little things to help us be better at making a living as artists! I hope they help you fill your strategies pocket with ways to strive in your art business!

Commitment(s)

2011-11-02T23:02:00.009-04:00

Vaca Guineo, or for the sake of standard Spanish,
Vaca Banana, inspired by the tv advertisements of my childhood...
This is the first painting for the East Harlem Bilingual Head Start, I hope they like it!

When I decided to apply to be a guide for About.com, I promised myself one thing: that it would not get in the way of my art.

In the past, it has always happened: I get a job, I start saying no to everything else. But this time I analyzed myself beforehand, I recognized my weaknesses and tendencies, and I also asked myself the question "why am I doing this"?

I have several reasons, and not all of them economic. One of these reasons is my endless pursuit of freedom. I don't seem to get it just right. If I don't get the right balance of free time and working time, I become undisciplined and, by my standards, lazy. In the meantime, my bank account suffers the consequences. Also, if I need to make extra money, I want to earn it in a way that does not require me to be in a certain place, at a certain time. I want to be able to do it at 2 am, if necessary.

I also want to reach a wider audience. Because people perceive my art as spiritual, I need to get to know more spiritual people. But not of the standard kind. People who are interested in angels and miracles are, I think, like me. I love ritual, I love religious art, I love the smells, sights and feelings of sacred places , but I am not into converting others and really don't want anybody to try to convert me. I am into learning and comapring and enjoying it all. So I read and search and learn, and translate into other mediums, like poetry or art. Writing about topics that inform my paintings is a way to both learn and reach out.

I also have this thing for writing. The idea took over my mind that I should make extra money writing instead of teaching, and I refused to consider any teaching opportunities. In fact, my last "teaching" act (not counting workshops, which are fine as they are finished in a day and I am free again) was with the moms at PS 57 and I was so uncomfortable that I asked one of them to take over. Less money, more happiness. I cannot even describe the relief I felt the day I told Mr. Soto I would not teach the mom class. Why do I dislike teaching classes so much? Because, even though I like the actual teaching time, I despise everything else that it implies, from preparation to gossip. It was nerve-wrecking! Teaching is nerve-wrecking for me.

So I, before applying to About.com, I just took my time figuring things out. But one bad thing happened, I had several projects, among them a commission, and I had no mind for any of it.

The main reason for having lost my mind was that I needed to make Destellos de Sofía. I just could not go on one minute without finishing it. Like I've said before, it takes obsession. And I do know how to give in to that wonderful feeling. Yet the rest of the day, once my obsession was taken care of, my body just would not go on. And I would waste hours on end trying to do something and not doing anything. Yahoo mail and Facebook didn't help, and I began to worry about the commission.

The worst part was they had sent me a check before we even knew what the work would be, and that made the whole thing even trickier. I never worry about being able to do the work for a commission, but I do worry about maintaining a good reputation and making sure I earn people's trust, so as the months went by and I was unable to produce what they asked, I started getting nervous.

What they asked for was pictures of animals made of fruits and vegetables. A long time ago I had heard a discussion about the morality of using food as materials for art and , apparently, it remained ingrained in me. I just could not do it. I kept thinking of having to throw away food, or having to eat it. That's another thing. Ever since I read that Matisse thought it morally wrong to eat the subjects of his paintings (fruit, oysters, women...) I thought he was right. How can you eat a thing with which you have had such an intimate, soulful experience. And since I have always been horrible with the knife... of the potato peeler, in the end I had to face a decision: change the project or return the money, which, of course, is still untouched, like Matisse's oysters...

All this time I was also wondering why I had so little energy for art. It was then I started writing all those articles for Empty Easel, Sage Woman, this blog. I felt less useless when I wrote.

So my final conclusion was that even though I love my art practice, and I need it like I need my blood, I also need the pressure of something in addition to it in order to balance my working energy, or I just start doing unpaid or low paid busy work and end up feeling defeated. When my friend Corazón called to tell me that they had added new Spanish categories to About.com, I said: I will do it right now.

And I did. And I did not know what I was getting into!

Talk about busy work... I have worked so incredibly hard in the last month, that I have been about to quit several times. But when I saw the website done (which is why I have been working so hard, because I had to build the website myself...) and read my own writings there, I felt like this really was meant for me. The theme is Angels and Miracles, but it is up to me how I choose to treat it. In fact, they offered me the contract because they liked my proposal. Or so they say... I have often wondered if this is such a difficult job that nobody can do it! But every single experience of my working life prepared me for it: editing, translation, proofreading, copyediting, writing this blog, publishing Life, Art and Letters, my work for Siempre Newspaper, the work and people I met at Mixta, the articles for El Diario, the recent article writing frenzy, the annoying way of writing for a standard audience in the educational publishing field, the how-tos and lesson plans, the research for doing things I know nothing about... and most of all, the quest for freedom, freedom and trust that what comes out of a trance will be good for the world to read.

Just before getting into the About experience, I got the school to change the technique for the project and proposed the first painting. In the process of doing the website I finished the painting, did a couple of art and poetry presentations, taught a workshop, kept my commitments to the craft fairs, agreed to an exhibition for this coming Monday, attended open houses for Julian's high schools, met with friends, finished several new tiles, created some cool necklaces and rings, met with my friend from Prague and planned the trip, finished designing a mural, designed and printed a greeting card for a customer, promoted a book presentation in Puerto Rico, cleaned my studio... I have done so much in so little time that I am amazed at how having a lot to do seems to work better for me than having little to do. It is just weird.

Well, so I am the new Angeles y milagros guide for About.com! I am very excited and look forward to it, but my commitment is clear.

Art remains my day job. Because this time, I know where my commitment needs to be if I want to be able to do it all. I lost some sleep in the process, but my energy is back. I'm relieved that I am not lazy after all. A workaholic? May be, but this is a job where you never retire, and the more you work, the better it gets. And, of course, I am referring to art with that statement!

Apple Salad Butterflies! The next painting...

How to Buy a House: An Artist's Perspective

2011-10-20T21:26:00.006-04:00

I am not an expert in buying houses, but since my house is an essential ingredient of my recipe for freedom, I thought I could share it.

When I met my husband-to-be, he took me for a walk, and when we were walking in front of some houses in Riverdale, N.Y., he asked: Would you like to buy a house one day? And when he asked that question, I felt as if a big wide door had opened in my mind. It scored points with him, too!

Why the realization? Because I pretty much grew up in New York, a city where people come and go without planting roots. And even though in Puerto Rico everyone thinks of buying rather than renting, in New York I had never even met anyone who owned an apartment. And I had no idea you could actually buy a house...

Some time passed, we got more serious, and we decided to do it. We started getting ready.

My first lesson in buying a house was paying all debts first. I was a very naive 24 year old who had some student loans and credit card debt. I didn't think anything of it, but how were we going to pay for a mortgage if we had to pay debts at the same time? Also, too much debt affects your credit score negatively. When banks weight the amount you want to borrow against the amount of debt you have, they figure out whether you can afford the mortgage or not.

The second lesson was saving. I have always been good at saving. My grandmother implanted that seed in my brain and it never died. But saving is tricky when you are in NYC and just starting out. Luckily, I had a partner and what we did was he paid all the expenses and I saved every penny I made for both of us. We worked as a team and at the end of a year we were able to save $50,000. How? This is the tricky part.

We attended a seminar at a bank where they explained that in order to buy a house, if you really, really want it, you need to cut every single excess you have. We had to stop eating out, buying books, going on vacation, buying clothes, going to the movies, and whatever else we did that cost money. After a while, we got into the habit of being really, really cheap! And it worked! Now we had to find the right place.

It was 1996, and back then apartments were still cheap. I remember looking at the classifieds and finding studios for $12,000. But we had decided early on that we wanted to buy a small building so that we would be able to rent a couple of apartments. This was all his idea and I just trusted him and followed along. I dreaded the thought of dealing with tenants, but also realized this was the only way I could have a studio in NYC. Back then you could still find rents for $500 if you really looked, but add that to a mortgage or renting an apartment to live in and it becomes cumbersome. So the next step was finding the right house.

We looked at so many houses, we thought we would never find one. But it is something you need to do if you are really serious about buying, and successfully keeping, a home. It is a good idea to make a list of requirements, like whether it is a brick building or if it must be in a certain location. We had thought about Riverdale and also looked at a couple houses in Brooklyn.

Finally, we found a wonderful place in Riverdale. It had a huge yard, a garage for my studio, and 3 apartments, one fully renovated. The price was right: back then $215,000. It was really too good to be true...

But we went on vacation without signing a contract. (We had already planned and paid for it before.)

When we came back, one of the owners backed out of the deal. Do not go on vacation or trust that everything will be fine without signing a contract!

Disheartened, we went back to the classifieds. One day, Juan called me at the office and told me to look at the New York Times. There was a listing for 2 houses in East Harlem. They were incredibly cheap, in Manhattan, where we thought it would be impossible to find something affordable. Apartments were available, but we never thought we would find a small building for a price we could afford. The down side was the state of the buildings. Still, don't be afraid to ask for what you really want. If you need to live in a certain place, look there. Living in Manhattan makes, for me, all the difference. I walk to the Museum Mile and Central Park because I was not afraid to live here. In 13 years, the neighborhood has been transformed. But even if it had remained the same, the house still had all that we were looking for, and a great location, much better for art than Riverdale, which is more suburban and all the way in the Bronx.

That same day, after work, I took the subway uptown with my friend Lisa, who had just moved to this neighborhood and was in love with it. I didn't find it as appealing, but living in Manhattan was really appealing to me and I didn't care where! We stood in front of one of the houses for sale and there was a guy there who offered to show us the hallway. He also said he owned an "exotic" club in the neigborhood... Little did I know that the exotic club was actually my future house... Anyway, the point I want to actually make is: go see that house as soon as you can, the same day if possible. If it is a good deal, it won't be available for long. Act fast.

Undeterred, I told Juan that we should go ahead. We decided to buy both buildings because, together, they were roughly the same price as the Riverdale house. But the next step of the process was shocking, and threw us back a little.

I began calling banks to find out about mortgages, only to hear from each of them that they did not finance buildings in this neighborhood. That's how depressed East Harlem was at the time. You just need to watch the old Law and Order to see it! Not only that, it was what they called a "Mixed Use Property" and that made it even worse. I called and called until I found one bank that would finance, but we had to put down 30% plus the closing costs plus whatever they came up with at the moment of the closing. They told us to bring $50,000, exactly what we had the bank account, and they would figure out how much it would be once we were there...

We also had to see a lawyer. I don't remember what we talked about, but it must have been important. He represented us when we went to give the down payment and pay for the closing in the bank. It was really ugly: all those people, lawyers from both sides, bankers, and whoever else was to benefit from the transaction went into another room and divided the money. All of it...

So we had a house and absolutely no money, but at least one apartment was in livable condition and actually inhabited. It took us years to get ahead, and we had to work a lot. We had to gut and redo 2 whole floors, including everything; we had to redo the electricity in the whole building, get a new boiler. We made so many mistakes! But six years later, we were at least floating. Today we are enjoying the benefits of that extended investment. I was about to quit at least once, but it was worth staying.

I need to say that, all those years, I didn't do much art. I did build the art gallery with some money I was paid for 150 illustrations that were never published. I worked 16 hours a day sometimes. I don't recommend that anybody does that. But I also think that was the only way we could do it at the time. And what supported us was the vision that we would benefit from all this hard times in the future. I must also mention that I had Julian that same year. House, wedding, baby: it was tough and I don't think I could do it again. So don't get pregnant before your house is at least functioning properly!

How can buying a house benefit an artist?
Getting your own studio is essential, and in my opinion, it should be as close to your home as possible. If I could, I would have my studio in my own apartment. I hope to one day be able to do that again because, for me, it worked really well when we had to move to the small apartment where I keep my studio so we could fix the apartment where we live. I liked to get up and start working right away. I feel lazy after that experience!

The possibility of getting rent income means that you need less money to make ends meet. This is not for everyone, but it has helped us.

The equity generated by a house can help you finance your retirement. Retirement is a big problem for artists because we are not too interested in IRAs and things like that. A lot of artists don't save enough. A lot of artists have a really hard time with money because we are perceived as "starving" and we end up seeing ourselves that way, too. But most successful artists are also great at business, and properties are a kind of business that can seem more real than stock. For us artists, it covers several of our musts: a place to live, a place to work, a place to sell if necessary, a place to borrow money against if you need it. Also, coops and condos have a lot of rules, and as an artist, you need to be able to work with materials that other people may not approve of, make as much noise as you need, and have a yard for certain tasks. A house with an extra apartment to rent is a good option. In my opinion, even a single home is a better option than an apartment-for an artist.

Once piece of advise that all building owners will give you: do not rent to your friends and family. Sounds harsh, but we learned the hard way and lost friends as a result of going against this advice. It's sad.

Well, I think the story about the exotic club is much more fun, but this is it for now. I hope it helps a little in solving the puzzle of how to live freely as an artist!

Artista busca novia (Cortesía de clasificados Hoy, artista)

2011-10-18T12:10:00.003-04:00

A letter from a faithful reader. A painter, he is asking me to find him a girlfriend. No photo for now... just a call for true love. Feel free to post your offers or clasificados de buscar amor, too.

Doctora Tanya.

Que alegria saber que about.com tiene ya [casi] entre sus filas una especialista en temas emocionales, como van las cosas el Dr. Phil va a perder su empleo ......y hasta la camisa si se descuida. :)

Yo en realidad , a esta altura de las circunstancias , despues de lidiar con el desamor , el absurdo y la ingratitud....ya no tengo lo que pudieramos llamar problemas amorosos de por si.

Lo que en realidad siento es un aburrimiento de la madona, precisamente porque disfruto muchísimo la compañia femenina....siento el vacio de la misma , pero quisiera esta vez una mujer sin una cadena interminable de problemas, que no quiera hijos, que disfrute de la vida y (por favor) que no tenga vocacion de victima .

Si de vainas conoce a alguien que se ajuste a algunas de estas caracteristicas, sientase en confianza para poner su (sus) nombre en mi buzon de sugerencias (casting box).

Espero que Ud, sea tan efectiva como el doctor Phil McGraw, quien siguiendo las instrucciones de Oprah, (nada menso el doc) resultó hasta con programa propio de tv.

Gracias de antemano por sus sugerencias. Atte. " aburrido de las victimas"

Estimado "aburrido":

Haré casi todo lo posible por difundir su mensaje. Le informo que no llegué a solicitar el puesto de consejera de amor, ya que los ángeles suelen ser más confiables. No es que no crea en el amor, es que como usted mismo parece implicar, hay demasiada gente loca por ahí. Sin embargo, para probarle al mundo y a usted que no he perdido la fe, voy a darle un consejo. Cuando encuentre la próxima víctima, salga corriendo como si le huyera a una jauría de perros hambrientos. Eso seguramente lo hará llegar a los brazos de su próxima amada, y la última siempre es el amor de su vida. Y no se olvide de hablar mucho de usted mismo en la primera cita. Pero en la segunda, quédese escuchando. En la tercera, dando y dando pajaritos volando. Así nos aseguramos de que todo esté balanceado. Si la chica no sale corriendo en la primera, es buena señal. Bueno, aunque esta técnica puede espantar a las buenas también, pero mejor asegurarse. Muy buena suerte y piénselo bien antes de seguir mis consejos, ¡pues no sé absolutamente nada de mujeres!

Muy cordialmente,

Dr. T

When it was Puerto Rican: Puerto Rican Artisans at El Museo

2011-10-17T02:33:00.012-04:00

Madre Patria by Tanya Torres

Watercolor on paper, approx. 11" x 15"

Private Collection

2000

There is a sense of loss here in my neighborhood about an institution called El Museo del Barrio. It was started by a group of Puerto Ricans back when this place was mainly Puerto Rican, and as time went by and the population changed, the museum began changing as well.

Not too long ago, the museum changed its mission to include all Latin American artists. They still keep a collection of Puerto Rican art, and once in a while have a show, but for those who have lived their entire lives in El Barrio, the sense of having lost their museum is very strong.

You might ask why it was lost. It's complicated, but if you take a walk in this neighborhood you will know why. There is too much poverty, too much lack of everything. People struggle too much to be able to think of museums and how to raise and grow them. The neighborhood has gentrified. It is no longer mainly Puerto Rican. And this is New York City: real estate is gold, or whatever metal is more expensive these days. Adapt or die...

Still, changing the mission of an institution seems kind of wrong. Isn't the mission the base of the entire structure? I don't really know. But is it better to let if rest in peace? It does not seem like the better option. Alive seems best, even if the basement needs to get extra columns.

As a newcomer, and as a peaceful person for whom inclusion is better than exclusion, I usually stay quiet. But my own feelings tend to go with my predecessors, because I fully understand what the museum meant to them, and to me, back then "when it was Puerto Rican."

I remember visiting with my mother in 1985, when we first arrived in New York City. The collection of santos and reyes magos, now gone from the main display, were not just beautiful pieces of art, but objects that comforted my very pained soul. I used to spend countless nights dreaming of going back. Coming to el Museo del Barrio and seeing the objects that connected me to my not so distant past offered great relief from the pain of migration.

That same pain remains in the hearts of many. They might have been born here, but the yearning was born with them, passed on by the dreams of the previous generations. I wonder if someone had taken up the task of truly educating people about the importance of supporting their museum, and offered a way to support it, would people have helped? Would people have been moved?

I too feel that sense of loss, of not being able to go to a place and just be with objects of symbolic connection. I too feel a conflict between my ideals and my pain. I understand why the museum changed, but can't help but miss all that it was.

That's why when I was asked to join the Puerto Rican artisans in a peaceful act of reclaiming in front of the museum, I wholeheartedly accepted. Luis Cordero, of Cemi Underground, has been promoting Puerto Rican crafts for several years now, and when he approached the Museo he was told they could not allow the artesanos in the museum's open front yard because we would compete with their gift shop. So Luis decided we would set up in front of the Museo like artists do at the Met and the Guggenheim. New York City law protects us, we are doing nothing illegal or immoral. I do pay my sales tax religiously!

The first time, last month, there were about 4 of us. We had a great day, supported by the security guards who welcomed us with open arms and bought our work. We chose to be there for Super Sabado, the third Saturday of the month, when the museum has free admissions and a lot of activities for families. It was a beautiful day. Lots of moms liked and bought my images of pregnant women and mothers and babies, and their little girls loved the tiny pins. Guys bought the musical pieces and Madre Patria.

This Saturday, our ranks doubled. Now we were about 8 or 10 artists, and the front of the museum was almost completely occupied. When I arrived, one of the security guards advised me on the best place to set up!

Why do they love us? They are all Puerto Ricans having the same feelings about the institution that pays their salaries, but no longer represents them. They must have feelings even more mixed than mine. They and other people recognize the meaning of this action. They feel connected and supported, and they let us know.

Why do I like it? Because, literally, this might be the only place in the world where a recovering drug addict can buy two tiny pieces of pin art to use a cufflinks for $4 and bless me when I tell him I hope they bring him joy and inspiration. Or where a middle class young woman from Arizona who just moved to NYC 5 months ago can buy her first piece of original art, one of my tiles! I gave her a little stand so she could display it. There are so many beautiful encounters with people from all walks of life. It immediately stops being an action of reclamation and becomes an action of integration. Accompanied by my friend Mercedes, I feel like I am truly doing something worthy on a human level, even if it evolves through a particular perspective of national culture to begin with. All rhetoric is gone once human contact is established.

I think that, in spite of the intention, the Museo and the artisans have a mutually beneficial relationship. I know that people cross the street to see us, and we then tell them to go into the museum and visit. Our goal, after all, is presence. And well, why not, to express the irony of being outside rather than inside. But it is certainly not a war. I hope it never turns into that.

I won't be there next month, although I hear some of our colleagues will be. The third Saturday of November most of us will be at the Comite Noviembre Puerto Rican Crafts Fair, the yearly event that showcases Puerto Rican artists and artisans from all over the US and Puerto Rico. But we'll be back in the spring, I'm sure!

I no longer feel the pain of migration. After 26 years here, this is where I mostly belong. But culture is a human thing that is not bad when expressed peacefully, without grandiosity or infantile pride. For me art is the vehicle to experience it in such a way. And when I am able to share it directly with strangers, I then know for a fact that art truly is communication at the level of the heart.

Volunteer Work

2011-10-13T22:18:00.006-04:00

Muse of the Leaves, painted for more love, for more joy, for our world to be reborn!

I can sincerely say that most of my jobs have materialized as a result of some kind of volunteer work. I didn't know this would be so when I began. It was just a strong feeling to do something I thought would be fun and good, and I didn't care if I worked for free.

Back then I had a job as an editor (which sounds more glamorous than what it really was,) and could afford it. And I could also afford it because I was young and was not really thinking about a career or money in the bank or any of those things that real adults care about. So I ran a gallery, did workshops, helped people I knew I would never see again, and did all sorts of things I have already forgotten about, all for free. I think that, because I really didn't care about being paid, and because I knew where my money was coming from, I felt free to do all this. I got a lot of satisfaction out of it, and that more than paid for my efforts.

At some point, however, I had to stop. In part because I had to get a job! Well, I am not blaming the volunteer activities, but it was more about not being able to work for a while, and not wanting to go back to the editor job. Fortunately, because I had done so many things as a volunteer, I never had trouble getting work when I needed it. And it has been about 10 years. The best thing about all this was that, because I had done volunteer work within the field where I wanted to obtain opportunities (art), I was able to attract the kind of work that would further my goals.

What kinds of things can an artist do to create opportunities. Well, back then I thought I wanted to teach, so I taught art workshops. Then I adjusted this and focused on bookmaking because I had just created an edition of artists books. This way, people got to know both my workshops and my artistic work. At first I did workshops randomly, but then, as I started obtaining paid work, I did one a month for a year. This created so much good that I am still hired by some of the same people whose organizations I visited with my workshops.

Last year I created a whole year worth of art and poetry publications called Life, Art and Letters for a church in my neighborhood. I focused on the spiritual because that was what I was exploring at the time (and still am.) That generated enough drawings and poetry to create my new book Destellos de Sofia, plus gave me something solid to put in my application to be an About.com guide. Well, I don't know if I am going to get it, but because the topic for which I am applying is in tune with the publication, it might have given me more credibility together with the rest of my curriculum. After all I am an artist applying to be a writer... but I have been writing this blog for more or less 6 years, which also prepared me for the task by making me comfortable with the Internet, writing quickly and freely, and developing a friendly voice that will make people feel comfortable and trust me (I hope this is true!.) They accepted my application, so I guess something worked.

One important thing to remember is that volunteer work does not mean random work. Do only what you like, what is fun, what fills your soul with joy and makes you feel like you are contributing something great to the entire world. And do it the very best you can do it. Just because you are working for free it means you need to do a great, outstanding job. Otherwise, what's the point?!

Another important thing: Do not, for any reason, do something you dislike. Quit. You don't owe anyone your volunteer work. You owe it to yourself, and only you. You are free to do as you like. After all, what would be the point of doing something you dislike. Bad karma! Do not create more bad energy in the world, we have enough with all the people who already hate their jobs everyday. By doing volunteer work you love, you contribute to making the world a better place!

Although I have made many mistakes in building a "career," and I am still struggling with defining exactly how I want to present myself so I can drop everything else, volunteer work has made one thing clear to me: whether we do something paid or free, it has to be something that we have fun at and enjoy. Otherwise, our spirit dies. I'd rather work than be broke, but I know that I can create the opportunity I want by starting it.

I am not the first person to say this, of course, but I write it here because I know that it is true. And I will end by saying that it will probably not be the person for whom you volunteered or the job that you did for free that will bring the opportunity, but it is most likely that it will be someone you didn't expect to be observing the process. We may think of it as a reward or "good karma" or whatever you call the effect of doing some good in the universe. Whether you identify it as "hocus pocus" or as the logical effect of an action, in my experience, we get what we give. And it feels really good to know that the Universe is taking care of us while we find our true path in life.

p.d. I do many things: paint, teach workshops, write tons, and still volunteer some. I don't make a lot of money, but I live like a rich person. I eat great, I travel some, I go to restaurants and cafes, I can't buy a lot, but I have what I need. So I am not preaching in my underwear as my people like to say. And I don't owe anybody anything I cannot pay for right now. And that's all because I am happy with what I do everyday. And wasn't I about to die 10 years ago? Live life, your own way.

Lessons in Joy and Freedom: Angelo Romano's Way

2011-10-09T08:27:00.006-04:00

I have a painting by Angelo Romano that I treasure. I earned it by photographing a ton of his work, which he was about to donate to make space for more art. I had seen the painting before, during a visit to his apartment/studio, and had fallen in love with it. It was for me one of these pieces that stays in the mind and heart. Since he gave it to me, I don't even feel it is mine. It is too much, but since he was giving his work away anyway, I accepted it as a sort of guardianship so that he will always have access to it if he ever needs it. For now, it contributes greatly to my well-being. Every single time I look at it, I feel a little stab of joy.

I need to examine this experience in order to remember what is it I can offer the world by doing my own artwork. Once in a while I receive a message from someone telling me how my art has affected them in the sort of way Angelo's painting affects me. When this happens, I feel fulfilled and joyous as well. Other times, just once in a while, I ask myself: Why do I do this?

I think every person who has ever dedicated him or herself to making art probably asks this question once in a while. Money, fame, and recognition are certainly not incentives when it comes to being a professional artist. The feeling of being unable to do anything else (at least unless you do this as well) is. I think this is really what moves us forward.

At least this is what I have learned by observing Angelo Romano. And he has been a great teacher.

Angelo has no family, no money, no material posessions. In fact, a few years ago he lost his apartment at East 85th street because of gentrification. He only has one thing: art. He is obsessed and totally dedicated to his work. He works non-stop, night and day. He paints on found objects and anything else he can get his hands on. He moves at night around the city, picking up things, and leaving angels on trees and little paintings on the walls of firehouses around New York City in remembrance of 9/11 . He leaves his artwork anywhere he can find a place for it, and because of the many relationships he has formed as a result of this, when he lost his place, he was offered a new apartment for less than $200 a moth at a senior residence where he paints all day without worrying about money or food or love. Now he has become even more dedicated, and ethereal in his flight through this world. All he does is art and his art has an immediate, and lasting, effect on people. This is why they take it off the trees and bring it home when nobody can see them...

By observing Angelo for the last 10 years, I observe the way in which an artist affects the world. Slowly but surely, I am learning to trust that whether the world tells you or not, art is essential.

My life, and that of most artists I know, is very different from Angelo's. Some of us have families or other concerns that prevent this kind of surrender to art. I think most of us, once in a while, ask ourselves whether we are wasting our time. After all, we don't get a paycheck at the end of the week. Many of us don't even know if what we do will survive beyond our own lifetime. And then there is the business of art... It seems as if, if we refuse it, we are doomed.

Sometimes I think Angelo's way is the Way. He just doesn't care. As far as I can tell, he does not think about money, or even the future, all that much. Yet he always lands on his feet, even though he is already in his 80's.

Me... I have two teenagers, son and nephew, asking for games and concert tickets. I can't be like Angelo right now, but it does not mean I can't take some inspiration from his life.

I recently saw him and he hasn't aged. He still walks faster than me, and had a lot, A LOT, more energy. Perhaps he is not weighted down by normal life. All I know is what he makes, out of his bliss, is a balm for the soul. It makes you smile. It makes you feel a little more unburdened. It creates a part of you that was missing.

I wish I could one day be as free as Angelo. For now, I keep trying and learning. I extrapolate on his method: Work hard, and stop thinking so much!

***
I just did a google search of Angelo and almost nothing showed up about him. I think we need to build him a web gallery...

A Life Well Lived

2011-10-07T13:15:00.003-04:00

"There's no reason not to follow your heart....
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life...
Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking.
Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important , have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
They somehow already know what you truly want to become.
Everything else is secondary"

Steve Jobs

My friend Hernán shared this through email, and I thought I would share it here. I didn't really think anything good or bad about Steve Jobs until after I heard his speech at Stanford some time ago. Then I became a fan. And when I heard of his death, I thought: "His life was well lived." He was too young to die, and that's sad. But he did great things and reinvented himself many times, and that's a joy.

In that same speech, he said that when he quit college, he started going to classes that interested him, among them Typography, which, he said was why he had thought of having a beautiful design for the Mac. As a Mac person, I'm grateful for this! Beauty and Function, because a man had a vision and was not afraid to go for it.

I think the message for us is not just to "think different," which most of the people who read this blog already do, but "don't be afraid to express your vision," which is a lot more difficult. Having the courage to follow our heart and intuition might be the most difficult thing in the world, but I think it is the only way to leave a legacy. And the only way that, when we die, people can say about us: "His/Her live was well lived."

This is my new book: Destellos de Sofía

2011-09-26T21:29:00.002-04:00

A New Miniature Book by Tanya Torres
Limited edition of 50 handmade books.
8 poems, 11 drawings
Spanish text with a separate English translation
$25

Dear Friends,
This is Destellos de Sofía, my latest miniature book. It is the product of 2 years of writing and drawing poetry and images in which I explore the things I learned during the time I painted my Mary Magdalenes. These are the shimmers of wisdom that she gave me.

Like all shimmers of wisdom, the poems in this book arrived in response to my interaction with the world. They hold images and feelings, words and thoughts that seek to catch a glimpse of the sacred in different life situations.

They begin with an Invocation to let the creative energy flow. Each poem continues the journey:

El río (The River), with its steady flow and refracted rays of light welcomes us to open the heart.

En tus brazos (In Your Arms) is a poem for invoking the sacred in romantic love. It is for reading to our beloved, imagined or real, human or divine, quietly or aloud, in order to invoke a sacred union.

Palabras (Words) is a poem to bring forth a new beginning when we are feeling oppressed by our perceived reality.

Écfrasis (Ekfrasis) is a meditation on the figure of the Mother.
Canción al corazón (Song to the Heart) is a song to remind our heart of its true nature and purpose.

Fui (I Was) is a poem for expressing sympathy. It is a response to loss by reimagining death with pantheistic vision.

Sabiduría (Wisdom) is an invocation for the wisdom that is the inheritance and legacy of every human being.

I chose to match a drawing with each poem because it is in drawing that I feel closer to poetry in words. Most of the drawings were originally inspired by the poetry of good friends who have collaborated with me in the publication Life, Art and Letters (lifeartandletters.blogspot.com). Also, a playful surprise accompanies “Canción al corazón.” But you have to open the book to see it! (Oh well, I guess you just need to look at the photos... I just couldn't resist!)

I hope this book will be received as a little treasure to read or use when you need a special poem to express an idea that is difficult to put into words. I offer you these words to use and share with the people that you love deeply and infinitely.

In the hope of helping to bring more love, peace and joy into our world, I send this words today with the wish that you will want to have one of these little books in your home and in your heart, to keep or to give.

With all my love, always,
Tanya

*While the handmade book is in Spanish, it comes with a separate English translation of the poems.

The books are ready!
The subscribers of my blogs are the first to know!
The book is signed and numbered on the back.

To Order a Book:
When you order, please indicate if you want a dedication and for whom.

Angels and Miracles

2011-09-23T20:09:00.007-04:00

Mary Magdalene in the Garden by Tanya Torres

In the past months, I had this urge to publish in different places. I had thought of that for a while, but since I was so busy doing murals and teaching, I postponed it for years until one day I just sat down and wrote. The first article was rejected, but I understood that a Catholic website is probably not very interested in the intersessory actions of my very goddess-like Mary Magdalene, so I relaxed and let it go, and turned that article into the beginning of a book. As time passed, I recovered and wrote again, this time for EmptyEasel.com, where with great delight I read in their weekly newsletter the anouncement that my article would be published the next week. I wrote another and it was published, too, and sent another two plus a drawing to one of my favorite print magazines, Sagewoman. Even though I was a month past the deadline, the editor wrote accepting one of the articles and the drawing for a future edition. And this was all very exciting, but I was asking myself: What exactly am I doing and why?

I have to say that even though I have written professionally for several newspapers in the past, and worked as an editor in educational publishing field for many years, my only credential in the field is a fierce lack of fear when I approach the keyboard. I write like I'm talking to my best friends and never stop until what I have to say is well said, and then I have nightmares about it if it is too personal or feel in the clouds if I know I did a good job. So writing, for me, is not really a hobby, or a job, but an act of faith. I start empty and finish full. I write and it is only then that I know what I had needed to say.

Writing is truly my way to connect with the world. Since I need to connect more, and let people know my art exists, I had this urge to write for places that have nothing to do with art, like Sagewoman, a pagan magazine. For EmptyEasel.com I wrote just because I like to share useful information with other artists, and because I had read a lot of the website by the time I decided to contribute something back!

So, with no credentials and a lot of nerve, I decided to follow the pointer given by my friend Corazon Tierra to apply to become an About.com guide en español...

First, I applied to Arte, which is the logical choice given the fact that I have all sorts of degrees in art, art history, and art education, and have published tons of articles about Latino artists in several respectable publications. But I kind of got sick after sending the application and spent a whole day in bed with fever and the flu, so that indicated to me that this was not my job.

But, because I do believe in miracles, when my friend Corazón wrote about me to the editor she had been lucky to locate, and sent me a copy of the email, I began to suspect I knew the guy. I will say an angel guided me to call my compincha Raquel Z. Rivera, "just because," and yes, she confirmed my suspicion: the editor was the same person who interviewed us last year for NY1 Noticias en español! Our small world is like that, full of casualidad and causalidad.

He informed me that they were currently reviewing applications for Arte, and that if they didn't hire someone they would go to the next batch, where my application rested. And he asked if there was another topic I was interested in...

Now for my confession: I had first seen this topic and wanted to apply for it, but did not have the guts to do it. Yes, fearless me did not have enough guts to apply for the Ángeles y milagros topic. Well, what do I know about it? I am definitely not one of those psychic ladies who go around seeing auras. I can't do any of that. But there is one thing I can do: I can get a lot of miracles.

Except the miracles I get are not of the extreme kind, like St. Faustina healing my lymphedema. I still hope to go to her tomb and try, but it's not first on my list because there is so much to be grateful for already that a swolen leg does not mean much to me unless I have to go to the beach and wear a swimsuit, which I evade at all costs! My miracles are of the other kind: the subtle, delicate, sublime kind, the ones that are almost imperceptible to the naked eye. In fact, the kind that you don't need eyes to see:

From the notes for my book in the works, Painting Mary Magdalene: Little Miracles Along the Way

In 2010, while in Puerto Rico, I spent a great deal of time in silence and stillness, just lying in bed, reading for a while, sleeping for a while, dreaming for a while, all by myself. One of the presentations I had committed to was particularly challenging: I was going to Guayanilla, the hometown of my mother, where I don't know anyone but my family. Considering that my grandmother had already announced she would not come, and that this tends to discourage everyone else, I got a little nervous... so I made sure I begged my aunt and her husband to come, just in case!

That day, I spent most of the time resting, and just believing that the presentation would go well. I was also running out of money, and needed to sell some books and prints to continue my trip without going to the bank. So I was reading this book that said how I should ask for this to happen, and I did. I blessed my work, asked to be of service to the people who would attend, and well, asked for what I needed. I cannot remember exactly how I did all this or in what order, it just happened in my heart. My father, whom I had recruited as the person in charge of sales, was absolutely sure nobody would buy anything. The town is particularly poor, and sort of depressed, but I just had great faith that I was there for a reason and that everything would work out.

The first obstacle was cleared, quite miraculously: about 30 people, or maybe even more, showed up. Then another particular difficulty presented itself: a very religious crowd. I was wondering how they would hear all the Magdalene stories, including "wife of Jesus Christ!" The evening started with an invocation, and a Catholic priest was present (my friend Tato said: "Tanya, they are coming to excommunicate you now!"). My pentecostal cousin and her husband were nervously trying to control their child, and their instict to fly out of there. They ended up leaving, but everyone else stayed, and everything flowed beautifully. I found the right words to present my work, everyone loved Raquel's songs, and people responded with great love and interest. They even bought my blasphemous book, and the more discreet cards and prints. And I had enough money to keep going! My family was quite impressed with my presentation, too!

At the end of the event, people came to talk to me, including the priest, who happened to be a deacon and my mother’s cousin. He had liked the presentation and was very happy to be there. I was happy that he did not excommunicate me, but really, what made this presentation memorable, and what put the entire day in context was the blind woman who came to talk to me. Her niece had described the painting Mary Magdalene in the Garden to her, and she wanted to talk to me. She asked if she could feel the painting with her fingers. I felt that it was for this moment that I had been preparing all day. This was the greatest gift I could have received. She touched the painting, and it was as if she had touched my soul. For a painter to be able to communicate through a painting, a visual object, with a blind woman, was a miracle, the impossible made possible. And it happened that night.

If I ever had any doubts about showing my art, or talking and writing about it, this precious moment expelled them. Had this painting been at a museum or a gallery, the Internet or even a café, this experience would not have been possible. Had I given in to my fears or my exhaustion, or other people's expectations, I would not have been there to hold the painting, place it in the woman’s hands, and be with her as she taught us all that true vision is not in the eyes.

“Lord, how does he who sees the vision see it,

through the soul or through the spirit?

11) The Savior answered and said,

He does not see through the soul nor through the spirit,

but the mind that is between the two that is what sees the vision […]”

The Gospel of Mary

And so, I have sent my application to be a guide on the topic of Ángeles y Milagros. I did not use this piece, but wrote a new, more straight forward one. Writing for a major website owned by the New York Times would be a great thing for me. Whether it happens or not, I now know why I have this urge to write for a greater number of people: I have a vision to share, and many words with which I can send it forth. It is through writing that I make sense of the world, and in the process, I help people find their own paths to their own visions. The more people I can reach, the more people I can help. The more effort I put into what I say, the better I understand what I feel. If my application gets rejected, it will be o.k., but if it gets accepted, a new world will open for my growing heart to learn, and know.

p.s. Can you pray to your deity of preference for a miracle in this matter? If you don't have one, just pray to the Great History's Goddess, who was invented by my atheist son, Julian, just before going to sleep at night, hoping for a better tomorrow. Her prayer is "Tomorrow will be a better day! Tomorrow will be a better day! (Scream) TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY! (Feel free to use as needed!)

An Offering from my Heart

2011-09-16T14:09:00.003-04:00

Today I sent my heart to Texas, a heart painted in memory of a young man who died. His parents donated his organs, saving four lives. As a result a teacher, Minette Duenas, created a silent auction to commemorate his life and his parents' gift, and to turn it into new hope for the future by giving scholarships to bilingual students at the high school where Michael studied until the 10th grade.

It is interesting that, lately, so much of my work has been about the heart ... I enjoyed a great deal painting this heart, and I sent it on its way with great love and hope. See a close-up of the heart in my other blog: http://tanyatorres.blogspot.com/2011/09/ofrenda-del-corazon.html

9/11

2011-09-09T17:28:00.003-04:00

I never wrote about 9/11.

I remember the silence. That morning, I walked across the street to the bodega, and the men there were all looking at something on the t.v. I looked up and saw the plane crash into the first tower. It seemed surreal, like it was just a movie playing. But everyone was silent. It was real.

Still far from understanding, I went back home, where Doña Ramona had the t.v. off. I told her what was happening and we turned on the t.v., and the second plane crashed. A man from the electrical company came in to tell us something that lost all meaning when he saw the images on the t.v. He sat in shock. An avalanche of grief came over him. When he left, Doña Ramona asked me if we should go pick up Julian from preschool. I realized that yes, we should. Most of the children were gone by then. I felt ashamed at not having realized this earlier.

I was in a blur. I was receiving chemotherapy. I felt fine, but the experience of illness had taken over my thoughts. I had no feeling left for 9/11. I worried that they might close the hospital, which was on 14th street, not so far from the World Trade Center.

I remember looking, as I stepped out of my building, and seeing a great gray cloud in the distance down Lexington Avenue. It looked like the atomic bomb in Japan. It lasted for days on end.

The neighborhood was eerily silent that day, and the few people who were walking around, seemed to be talking to themselves by themselves. The atmosphere had filled with terror. People were like walking radios emitting white noise.

My son was 3 years old. He saw saw the planes crash again and again on the towers.

I was 31 and my fear of dying was already greater than the shock of death.

Pink

2011-09-08T07:52:00.003-04:00

The task at hand was, by now, a foreign one: buying a dress. A formal, beautiful, and hopefully long dress that fit. Last night I had tried the one I wore in 2007 to the class reunion, and to my horror, it didn't fit! I wanted to scream and cry, but I didn't and just went to sleep with plan B on my mind. I would make lemonade out of this lemon!

For someone who used to fast all day, and all week if necessary, in order to fit in a tiny dress on a Saturday night, not fitting into a size 4 dress can be something of a tragedy. I want to hit myself hard on the head for not being able to discipline myself like I used to. I want to cry and never look at myself in the mirror again. Well, I'm being dramatic, the truth is I don't look in the mirror that much, but not fitting in a dress was truly depressing and having to buy a new one was even more depressing. I don't know how to do this anymore, I just don't do it anymore. Did I really spent the whole day making myself beautiful before going out when I was in college? Yes, but that was a long, long time ago.

It seems, though, that the person I was is still around somewhere... By 11 am the next day, I was feeling like I was 19 years old. I got up, took a shower, found some acceptable clothes to walk around Third Avenue, and put on the first layer of make up of the day. I was so sure I would find the right dress, that I didn't even worry. My target was a little store around 111 street that I had passed many times in the last 10 years while on my way to P.S. 57. I always saw the dresses in the window and thought I would have liked that store when I was in college and still got all dressed up to go dancing. It was the end of the 80s and well, as ridiculous as it might seem now, wearing a nice dress was a big part of the fun for the evening. In fact, this was the part of the invitation that had caught my eye: "I would be honored if you wore formal dress." Sister Beny, the church singer, had invited me to her 50th birthday to be celebrated at Holy Rosary and she wanted people to dress up. If she had said: "Fun and informal party" I would probably had thought long and hard about it, and agonized quite a bit about going to a party where I would be required to talk to strangers and sit for hours listening to loud music. But something about the word "formal" caught my eye and my fancy. I laughed at myself for it and decided to go, on my own, since nobody in my family would be up for going to a formal party, especially not at a church.

By the time I got in the store, my age was back down to 8. I started to see all the long, beautiful dresses, and trying to identify one that fit my mood. There was a pink one that caught my eye, but when I looked at the size, it was extra large. I was disappointed, since I am only 5 feet, and thought it might be huge on me. But the dress, which was highly inappropriate for a 41 year old woman, kept on catching my eye, and I relented, since nothing else was calling to me. I picked the pink satin dress and two others, small and medium, black and blue, to try on.

In the dressing room, that was really a hole in the wall with a curtain that I hoped nobody would open by mistake, I tried the pink dress first. It was too long, and a little big on the sides, but in general it fit and looked nice. When I tried the other two dresses, they were awful: one was big and unshapely, the other tight and just ugly. My last hope was to ask if they had another of those pink dressed hidden somewhere, but no, that was the only one. So I bought it.

My 8 year old self saw the shiny stuff. Rhinestone earrings, necklaces and tiaras. The woman recommended just earrings, but I still had to ask how much were the tiaras, using my little niece Desi as an excuse. I also had to hold off on the white gloves. By now, my imagination was running wild. I was in fairyland.

Almost Disneyland, that is, because when I went to the 99 cent store to get a bag for the gift, I wanted, really wanted to get a Disney Princess bag. I had to almost pinch myself to snap out of it. Then I went to buy hair conditioner and nail polish at the hair store. By now I was back to 20 years old or so, but still in pink mode.

I went into the shoe store and bought pink satin shoes on sale. I knew I could not wear them for more than one hour, but when you are 20 you don't consider this important. Luckily they were just 9.99 and I could splurge on all that luxury. I also bought some pink thread at the fabric store.

I went home and told my husband: "I bought a dress, I need your help," realizing that I had taken for granted his tailor skills acquired when he was 12-20-something and Doña Ramona saved him from the streets of New York by getting him an apprenticeship at the tailor shop. Luckily, these things are like riding a bike. I always want to film him when he's sewing. The position of the fingers, the posture, the way he holds the fabric, it is like watching a movie about Coco Chanel. My friend Raquel and I wanted to open an Atelier for him: Virgilio's, so that he would make all our clothes, but he didn't pay any attention to us. At least he didn't ignore me now! He did such a great job, I was so proud of him! I told him he should be rich, he said he was rich because he had me... oh, well, he did a great job.

By 3:30 I was age 15 because in the long pink dress, rhinestone headband (that I bought months ago without any reason whatsoever...), rhinestone earrings, 4 inch pink shoes, 1 pound of make-up, Spanish lace mantilla, curled hair... I felt like a quinceañera. Juan was trying not to laugh at me, but he disappeared before I left, so I don't know if he did. On my way to the car, I saw our neighbor Evita, who used to be a fashion designer and is Colombian. A Colombian woman in her 80s would understand, of course. She approved of my looks and asked if I was going alone with a wink...

When I got to the church, my friend María, who always calls me Mi Princesa, was talking to the priest outside the church. When she saw me she smiled widely and complimented me. At least, for now, I was a hit with the ladies, 70 and up. The priest also commented on my elegance, and I told him it had been specified that we should dress formally. Father Angel, the other priest, would have been more direct. Last time I saw him he said good-bye to me with the following words: "Mantente guapa como siempre" (Stay beautiful as usual), which he can feel free to say because he is probably 85 years old and nobody is going to think that he is trying to pick me up. But this Father Abel is a little younger, like 70, so he needs to be milder and behave himself like a proper priest!

When I step into the church, I realize my idea of formal is like 3 notches above other people's idea of formal. My trip to the 90s took me way back, maybe to the 50s, but nobody else got the message. I decided, right there, I didn't care, because by now I was having so much fun with myself that I had proven to myself that I was not 3, nor 8 nor 20, but still 41 and didn't really care if anybody thought I was overdressed or looked like a 15 year old. It was then that fun took over me and rip the usual pose I acquire in social events: so serious, so quiet, so freaked out.

They had me sit with some elegant Colombian women (the only women who would understand me today, because as far as I can tell, they are the only ones who would think a long pink dress is appropriate for a woman my age in New York City), and after convincing me that I should have another baby since I am still young, all this after being amazed at my real age and the condition of my skin, we proceeded to dance our hearts out by ourselves and with my other friends, the girls, all 65 and up. María, who had been outside the church, remember? came by to tell us that in a few minutes she would be dancing in a "tanguita" (g-string) and that we shouldn't miss that.

I danced so much that I shed all the extra pounds that prevented my other dress from fitting and now have two dresses for all the formal occasions I never get invited to go to because nobody is formal anymore. May be my friend Raquel, or Yari, will get married and I can be a dama of honor. And I have also thought of inviting my friend Tamara Royal, who is not Colombian but American, and the only other woman my age who has admitted to missing all the elegance, and dressing up of the old times, and her niece, and my niece, to maybe dress up and have a formal party by ourselves. Now, if there are other fabulous women at heart who have not been able to express their yearning to be ladies who wear rhinestones and tiaras, just let me know and I will sign you up. It's not like I'm burning my jeans or anything, but the feel of satin on the skin, and the brightness of a lovely color, and the expectation and all the details that make the final result a work of art, that's what I had been missing. And once all that is achieved, and you start dancing, that's when you realize that the world is what you make of it. If you paint it pink for a night, you might find that you have never stopped being who you really are.

A List of Essentials

2011-08-28T16:44:00.005-04:00

Asiray. This is the painting that, in my mind, marks my beginning as a professional artist.

As my career as a professional artist evolves, I find myself having to learn more and more about business. That is because, whether we like it or not, art is a business. But the great thing about art as a business is that, contrary to my previous incarnations as a teacher, editor, journalist, college professor, teaching artist, etc, etc, etc... by being a professional artist I get to choose my mission and values on how I will approach and present what I have to offer. I no longer need to feel bad about the morality of my work or how many people I might be harming by it, which was a real and urgent concern in a couple of the above mentioned jobs. As an artist, I can say freely: "My mission is to help create more peace and bring more love into the world through my art." It might sound crazy for an editor of educational textbooks, but I think it sounds just right for an artist like me.

This mission cannot be accomplished, however, if I don't do my homework and maintain a balance between the pleasure and beauty of a sublime occupation, and the not so comfortable side of it that makes it a business. Since I know that there are a lot of artists, writers, crafters, dreamers out there that struggle with the same thing, here are some basic components that are essential to the business side of this life.

Knowledge:
•Of your craft
•Writing
•Photoshop
•MSWord
•Some HTML and an idea of how the Internet works
•Knowing that there are ways how not to pay a lot for necessities such as a website, a blog, a way to get paid

Tools:
•Business Card
•Letterhead
•Postcards
•Stamps
•Email list
•Snail mail list
•Folders
•A notebook to write sales
•A large envelope or filing system for receipts
•Tax id
•Computer with programs for manipulating photos and text (photoshop is my essential tool)
•Digital camera
•Android or Iphone
•Square to accept credit card payments (my article about this great tool will be pubished on Friday about this in EmptyEasel.com, don't miss it!)
•Table and table cover
•Card holder
•Table easels and other display tools
•Website and blog
•Internet store (such as etsy, or your own website using paypal.com)
•A studio or working spot designated exclusively for your work and business, preferably with a door and lock.

Survival Skills
•Being able to talk to people and like them.
•Being impeccable about time, commitment and your word.
•Procastinating as little as possible, if possible...
•Breaking down projects into small parts so that they don't overwhelm you.
•Having goals and keeping them close to your heart even if they take ten years to accomplish.
•Being committed to yourself and your work in times of temptation.
•Being willing to do things without pronouncing the word "but" or having doubts that you can accomplish them.
•Being able to know that you can learn anything you need in order to realize a project. I tell my friends: "If another human being has done it, you can too!"
•Learning to relax and to work when you need to, on your command.
•Trusting your muse, your will and your Infinite Love whenever fear tries to take over.
•Having fun at whatever you do. If you are not having fun and enjoying, find a way or quit and do something else.

This is a brainstorming, but I think that it works for me. I hope it helps you too achieve and grow you dreams.

50 Books, Edition Finished

2011-08-27T20:52:00.005-04:00

It's taken me a long time, but it is finally done! It does take obsession to complete...

Prague and Plátanos

2011-08-19T22:04:00.004-04:00

This is Prague. These are plátanos.
They both start with P,
As you read, you'll see that,
after all, there is a reason for the plátanos,
although the main reason is Prage,
no doubt about that!
(This riddle will solve itself at the end of this post...)

When I was in the hospital in 2003, I remember myself saying these words: "I want to travel with my art." Some time later, I was in the Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico presenting the work I created after the stem cell transplant. Not too far from home, but it is still travel, and I got to present my art at two different museums. Unfortunately, after that, my life got complicated, and it was only last year that I got to travel with my art again, and only as far as Puerto Rico and Pennsylvania. I'm not complaining! These were great trips and both were very important to me, but I think most of us, when we think about traveling, we think about far away places, a different country, somewhere exotic. Like Prague...

It all started around this June when I was invited to set a table at the East Harlem Film Festival. I had my doubts... I was told to be there at 2, which is very early and usually the time I am most productive. I was very tempted to skip, but I really, really like to keep my word. So I went, a little later in the day since the festival did not start until 6, and set up my table with a few Exotic Ladies tiles, prints and cards.

As the afternoon went by, people started arriving and well, my personality started changing and as usual, I started feeling comfortable and happy and full of energy. I don't know why this happens every time I am somewhere with my table, but it makes people come and talk to me, which in turn makes me happier and happier and more talkative than you can ever imagine me. One of the people that came by introduced himself as Paul. He said he was from the Czech Republic and that he had just moved to our neighborhood and didn't know anybody here. He went through all my prints asking me questions about Puerto Rico, the neighborhood, the food, the art. He seemed down to earth and friendly, and I felt like a good tourist representative and informed him as well as I could about everything he asked. He said he would like to see more of my work, and I invited him to my studio and we said good bye.

He then called me a few times, rather insistently, to make an appointment to come to my studio. I often have my phone off during the weekend so I didn't get the calls, only the messages. I felt a little confused and even considered not calling back. Had I given him the wrong vibe? Had he misunderstood my happy energy as flirtation? It's happened too many times, and I really, really don't want to deal with it anymore. But I also cannot be a different person when I am in this situation... this is how I am. Luckily, I'm getting older and have more wrinkles and a few extra pounds! That should keep me safe!

Finally, I convinced myself that I had not misunderstood our person-to-person exchange and returned his call. We set up a time for him to come to my studio and well, I told my husband to open the door, just in case, while at the same time thinking this was nerve wrecking, and that I must stop spontaneously inviting people to visit my studio.

What a relief when he apologized for his insistence and told me he had an idea and wanted to see if I was interested. It turned out that he is the representative of the Czech Republic Tourism Office and he wanted to know if I would be interested in bringing my paintings there. "Of course!" I said, still doubting that this was actually true. A few days later he came back to let me know he had talked to the CEO of the Prague Convention Center and that they wanted to see the work. A few days later he came to pick up a portfolio, and I still did not believe it, but was beginning to.

Because in the beginning I had sensed that he wanted to connect, make friends, I made sure we made him feel welcome in our home whenever he came with news. He actually came by instead of calling or emailing like most of us busy people do... He seemed very curious about our culture and I invited him for dinner. He asked me if it would be o.k. to come when his wife came to visit New York. He told me about his daughter, who was also about to visit, and about his job and travels across the U.S. He asked me if I would help him with information when he went to visit Puerto Rico. Little by little my doubt dissipated and I began to trust my original perception that this was a nice, normal, decent person. A trusting person like I used to be before I became such a New Yorker!

Today, he came with his wife and daughter, a 19 year old girl whose maturity impressed me a great deal. In a month she will be going to college to study law. His wife did not speak a lot of English, but he translated for her, and she is a very sweet woman. I made them a meal that included: tostones, plátanos amarillos, rice and beans, lettuce and tomato salad, pork fried in olive oil, and for desert, guava paste and white cheese with a last-minute improvised sauce of mashed guava paste, rum, sugar and lemon juice. Was that Puerto Rican enough?! Well, I cheated a little because I asked Doña Ramona to cook the rice and beans, in order not to serve my guest my famous blue-tasting rice! I really could not make rice and beans for a living, but they loved the tostones (fried plantains,) which are really my only Puerto Rican specialty. "De mi madre lo aprendí," like they say, "I learned them from my mother!" Juan added some salmon and grilled vegetables in olive oil and french wine for a sophisticated touch... jajaja, to think I had wanted to be the most jíbara of the jíbaras! But hey, why curtail his inspiration?

We talked about lots of things, including exhibiting in Prague. The date is now set and I will be traveling with my huband there to exhibit from April 15-29. He has invited us to stay in his home with his family. They will pick us up at the airport. He will help set up everything. This is much more than I ever expected and I am feeling deeply grateful at this moment for this act of kindness and friendship.

A lesson for me: Don't be so suspicious! We always need to trust our first impressions, they never let us down! Also, we need to trust that, if we do our work day after day, sooner or later, our dreams will come true. I might have had to wait more than 8 years for this opportunity, but it is finally here. Someone showed me the kindness I always try to show other people, someone is helping me the way one helps a friend. And that someone met me on the street, at a fair I did not want to attend, at a place I did not expect anything great to happen. If I had not been "impecable with my word" (a phrase that stuck with me from a book given to me at the hospital), I would not be seeing this dream of traveling with my art becoming a larger reality right now. If I had not been commited to my work, there would be no Prague for me. And what if I had not have so many guests in my home year after year? Is it chance or the law of love? I like to think it is all about love freed into the infinite, unknown, all encompassing Universe. When we love, we get loved back in the least expected way!

And just so you know how much I love you, here is the Tostones recipe. Be a good adoptive Puerto Rican and make yourself and nice ketchup-hot sauce mix or a little mayo-ketchup if you want to be modern! Here it goes!

Tostones a la Laura

A green plátano, peeled and cut in 1" pieces (for about 2 people, or for one if you love them as much as I...)
A bowl filled with 1/2 cup of water, 3 tablespoons white vinegar, salt and pepper (make it salty)
A tostonera or two small plates to use as a plaintain press
A frying pan with enough corn oil to cover at least 3/4 of a piece of plátano (or the entire piece if you don't have my grandmother/mother/husband/entire family in your head telling you not to waste oil...)

1. Heat the oil.
2. Fry the pieces of plátano on both sides until they are fully cooked.
3. Place them all on a piece of paper towel to absorb the extra oil.
4. You can let them rest a little if you want to be safe from burning yourself. Or you can be careful and start pressing them flat right away by putting them between the two plates and pressing.
5. Place each piece in the salty water mix. Do not put them on the paper towel but let them dry on a plate or another surface for a couple of minutes so they will dry a little.
6. Fry them again until golden.
7. Let cool until they are safe to eat.
8. Don't eat too many of you will get two extra pounds in one sitting (no, this is not how I gained mine!)
9. Let me know how your tostones came out!

Love!

After New Mexico

2011-08-19T00:06:00.018-04:00

It's been a couple of days since we came back from New Mexico, and although it is hard to come back to work and real life, I am so happy to have gone and come back!

For an artist, a trip is always a good thing. It is a way to replenish energy, find new ideas, redirect thoughts. And going to a place where beauty precludes everything, makes the experience even more worthwhile.

I hope I sound better than when I left! Trips are wonderful but never easy. I worked so had at leaving the house in respectable shape, then worked so hard at making sure we had everything we would need, and then, once there, I became the family driver, one of my fears of going anywhere! But I admit, I can love driving, and like I said, in New Mexico beauty precludes everything.

It is not just about the general aesthetic of the place, which I enjoy greatly. It is also about the great mix of cultures, styles, artistic expression, landscapes and history that envelop and immerse you in an experience for body, mind and soul. I guess I sound like a travel copywriter, but it is true!

A place is not a great place, of course, if you don't have a friend there. So going to see our friend Raquel was the main treat of the trip. She moved there a few months ago, following the bliss of love and adventure, solitude and work. I miss her, but I was so happy to see her with her adoptive dogs, who obey her like the lady of the House she is now! She also has a tree full of owls and campanita flowers full of hummingbirds, a Rio Grande to play in, and a little forest to hide with her companions Mole and Onix, the two walking labradors. Trigo, poor Trigo, stays behind under his tree of the moment, waiting patiently for his son and ¿daughter? to come back all wet from the river. Then at night comes Fidel, hands and feet having worked the earth or its fruits, to slap them on the back and play under the moon. Such is life in Albuquerque, for Raquel who escaped New York.

For us cowards and city rats who remain here, life was still good. On our first long drive we went to Madrid for a first stop, with one main purpose and a few others. We needed to try those famous buffalo burgers Raquel had told us about, and also see the Hippies who remain there, some living in caves, others selling from cute arts and crafts stores that inspired me and my secret dream of some day having such a place. We ate the burgers with green chile, and so full we could burst, proceeded to drive to Cerrillos, a little ghostly town on the way to Santa Fe.

Seeing a place like Cerrillos is like stepping back in time, and if there had been any people on its unpaved streets they would have carried guns and rode horses and spitted tobacco into a tin can. We did see quite a few cowboys with "sombrero de taquito y botas de aladino-hat like a taco and Alladin boots", but not here. Here we saw dust and old, old wooden structures, brothel like, strange and mysterious in our very own Clint Eastwood film. (Or that's the only reference I had anyway!) Well, we did see some families and people, but I like to think they are ghosts...

We kept on driving to Santa Fe and arrived at the Wednesday night fiesta on the plaza to see people dancing and playing to the rhythm of Nosotros, under the full moon and Christmas lights on the trees. The last thing I expected from a city whose ancient architecture has been taken over by galleries and gift shops was to see authentic happiness and celebration in every corner, with different voices, different rhythms. The lighted windows did not require anyone to shop, but offered the inspiration that beauty can place in the center of your heart. I saw some really bad art accompanied by exquisite crafts and clever drawings on the wall of the ice cream parlor required by any self-respecting old Spanish plaza. I ate chocolate ice cream and forgot the extra pounds.

A day of rest in Albuquerque offered more little shops and a ride up the Sandía mountain in the tram. 10,000 feet in the cold air, and beauty that reveals itself with each passing minute. A sunset opposite a rainbow.

Another day took us to the sacred Aztec dance performed by Fidel and his companions and the drops of rain that started falling a little after it began. The gods were listening to the pleads of the farmers and the river.

At night, a pow-wow in the Albuquerque Plaza. The little children were dressed up, one we called the pollito, little chick, because his head was covered by an elaborate headdress of feathers as well as the tail of his clothes. He was so edible we wanted to kiss him, but his dad looked fierce and we didn't tell him how that little one stirred our hearts almost to tears. Or perhaps it was the sad songs, performed by the Pueblos, each circle at a time, offering their song and dance to the Spirits. We felt as gringos as the gringos, but still enjoyed the emotions that stirred our own Taíno blood. If our Indians had not died, would they have to defend with tooth and nail their lands and sacred sites? Even those who claim this heritage today have only a few stories left, and whatever their imagination rescues. This always puts doubt in my mind: are they real, are these nations real, is it what it was or a new and elaborate creation held in the arms of hope? I'm nobody, can't judge.

New Mexico put fear in my being when we arrived at the museum in Los Alamos to learn about all that has been done there. I asked my son: Have they just washed our brains? I all sounded so unlethal in the 2 movies they offer for free. A group of bright minds brought together in one place at one time to create the greatest weapon in the Universe that would save us from Hitler. What did they all feel when they got it? What did they all feel when it was used? Some remained to create a program to balance the equation, to restrain such great power from being used against more human beings, but to make sure everybody knows it exists and is ready to be used at any time. In the museum, there is a sort of game in which you press a button and it shows you all the places in the world that possess nuclear arms. It looks like a Christmas tree. We spent a lot of time putting puzzles together. After all the lethal technology, we stuck to the wooden blocks and cut marble.

After this scary experience, we went on our way to Taos, and riding by the river, its soothing energy cleansed my anxiety and reminded me that nature remains, after all, bright and true in that land of mountains, sunsets, colored sands, written rocks. We arrived late, but still, it was worth it for the river and the mountains. I will never go to Taos again, I think, but this time I will remember it this way: the ride.

On the last day, Acoma. We almost didn't go. Didn't feel like paying tons of money to see an uninhabited Pueblo. But at the last minute, we had to see a Pueblo and this was the only option, so we went. It wasn't lots of money, and it was worth paying $1000 per head. It was the most beautiful, most magical place in New Mexico. Among mesas and plains, rugged cliffs, the adobe structures survive in this old and sacred site. A young man of the Acoma pueblo with a Yankees hat and shaped eyebrows tells us that a little girl fell 40 feet into the arms of a priest who then became the only European to be allowed to live among the Acomas. He not only taught them agriculture and Catholicism, but once the church was completed, costing many lives, convinced them to exchange 4 girls and 4 boys for a church bell. I thought of the mothers, and of the children, who were never seen again. But I also thought they could have easily sent the priest down the mesa instead of the children, and they didn't. I feel two of my bloods at war inside me. Can't help but admire the persistence of a people who braved entering such a land, can't help but pitying those who received them in their homes. It is history, and history is what it is. Still, in the cemetery, the Acomas left a hole on the wall for the spirits of the children to come back home. It gave me some relief to know they might have found their way back.

Home now, we've seen the photos twice, almost 1,000 of them. I tried to work today, but went to hunt for food instead. Who works after giving birth, or after creating a great meal or a beautiful story? I created, I guess, a new memory. One that will inform in some way my steps from now on. For now, all I can do is write this, put it here, as I always do when something becomes a part of me.

Before going to New Mexico

2011-08-09T00:15:00.003-04:00

I am right now getting ready to go to New Mexico. We leave in a few hours, so I guess nobody is sleeping tonight. It is a family trip to go see our friend Raquel, and to visit places. Although I was there once for about three days, it's been about 20 years, so it feels as if this is the first time. In the meantime, I am wasting time. Watching Netflix, cleaning a little, packing. I spent the whole day packing. I could have finished 5 book and pack in two hours, but no, I wasted the whole day with my dread of traveling. I love to go places, but only once I am there. It is not even about the plane, I think it is more about the actual preparation. Leaving all my routines behind, getting the house ready for a friend who will stay and take care of our cat Mixta, fearing that I will leave something important, like the passport or the camera. It paralizes me, and I waste time miserably.

But unfortunately, I cannot blame all my time wasting on this trip. In fact, I almost want to blame it on the summer. This summer has been eternal, and my time-wasting too.

When I come back, I really need to reorganize my work life and projects, and most of all, my time management skills, which used to be great and have gotten too relaxed this summer, not to say non-existent. It's been really frustrating to feel that I have lost control of my time and my work because of too much socializing and too many interruptions.

Part of it is necessary, even essential, since it is a way to cultivate relationships, including business relationships. But a lot of it is me being too nice and too open and just too eager to please the world. It seems I need to have 3 jobs at the same time in order to be productive! All that needs to change. My goal for the rest of the year is to establish a stronger work discipline in which I cook less and produce more. It will be easier than the summer: no trips, no travelers.

One good thing is I know I am pretty good at completing a project on time and so far I have never missed a deadline for a professional commitment. I know how to put in the hours when I need to. But it is so much easier to meet deadlines for other people. I almost never give myself deadlines. So I am very dissappointed because I missed my own book deadline: Destellos de Sofia is not finished. I need another 7 days to complete the edition, and I just couldn't get to it last week after Wednesday. It is a tiny book, but extremely difficult to make. After 5 or 6 I am exhausted and want to go to bed for 3 hours. But it looks beautiful. I know that when it is done, I will be happy to have done it. Still, I need to put in those 7 days as soon as possible in order to be happy.

To prepare myself for my goal of making my time mine, I read a great series of articles and decided 2 things: get up earlier (and be in the studio early) and complete a set number of tasks every day. I read about this great way to be able to stay on top of your work: do it tomorrow. I sounds surreal but it is not. The idea is to only do the things that need to be done that day, and whatever comes in that is new, put it in the "tomorrow" pile. That way you have a finite number of things to do the next day, so your job is not endless or frustrating. Sounds like a good idea to help deal with the anxiety of answering email, returning phone calls and completing tasks. Another good idea is to identify the time of the day when your are more productive and make those hours sacred in order to do creative work at that time. I'm sure I must not be the only artist that often finds herself at the end of the day with nothing new to show for the many hours spent answering email, updating social media, and just trying to do all those businessy things that we don't really know how to do all that well. I mean, I probably could be an excellent secretary if I really dropped everything else to do that job. But even though I don't mind being my own secretary it too much (and this might be part of the problem...,) I really need to put in the hours where they are going to make me go forward with my art.

So, this is what I am thinking about just before going to New Mexico, where I am going to make myself forget all this and just enjoy the beauty and art and nature. I hope to make contact with Georgia O'Keeffe and see if she will give me some tips on how to paint all day and forget about the rest. That is what I really, really need to learn how to do.

Doña Ramona and Her Abundant Mind

2011-08-01T14:42:00.005-04:00

Doña Ramona, my mother in law, is a wisewoman. Not only can she cook a heavenly meal, but she is wise about life, about love, and about having the right attitude to face the world. In a conversation about how people approach the world in terms of abundance and scarcity, she told me:

"When Juan's father died, people thought I was left a rich woman, because they would come to offer their condolences and I would give them coffee in my little cups (elegantly) and act as if I didn't lack anything in this world."

This is how she has always been, but whoever knows her story also knows that she has faced circumstances of scarcity that few people have ever even imagined. As a child, abandoned by her mother, she grew up in her grandfather's hacienda, one of the many offspring of his abundant conquests. She was given to a family as a servant, where she finished growing up. I have not figured out exactly how she got pregnant with a rich young man's child, but she raised this white, green-eyed baby on her own, until she became the common law wife of my husband's father. He was a well off, but much older man who would have given her a good life except that he died of cancer about a year and a half later. When he died, his family went after his store and his other possessions, leaving Doña Ramona with no income, a one year old child (Juan), a pregnancy (his brother) and her older son. But still, nobody would guess that she had nothing to eat the next day.

Luckily, because her dignity is balanced in her by an abundant heart, a heart that makes her kind and helping to people, she survived on the gratitude and respect of those who knew her at the time. Not only did she survive, but she was able to come, all alone, to New York City, bring her children, bring most of her relatives, and always provide a good life for her family. She did not become rich or powerful in the regular sense, but he has never lacked opportunities and roads have always opened for her, even at the worst of times. She is respected and valued and loved by her family and friends. She has a kind of natural soul medicine that has literally saved lives and helped improve many others. She has never burdened anyone with her problems, which have not been few and include a son with schizophrenia and a grandson with related problems. And now, at age 80, she is planning to realize her life-long dream of owning a restaurant.

Doña Ramona will realize her dream because we will all help her. And she will realize it because she knows how to think and talk about it. She also knows, that whatever scarcity is apparent is a matter of perception, and that the better off people perceive us to be, the more they will trust us to invest in us and our shared dreams. I think she has a very important key to abundance: She knows that all will be well, and because she knows this, she never complains or mentions her lack of anything. Especially money...

This is a lesson for all of us artists: We have access to the most abundant quality of life, which is creativity. There is no way we will lack anything if we do our work. Doing our work includes putting time on our craft, being grateful for our gift, sharing it with the world (which includes selling it), and trusting that we have and will have everything we need in the process of growing the seeds we plant for the future. It is very important to maintain faith in ourselves and our ability to live well from our work. This is how we show the world we trust ourselves so the world can trust and sustain us as well.

How to Make Some Money With Your Art

2011-07-25T18:54:00.000-04:00

One day, long, long ago, I was pulling a print out of the etching press and one of my professors saw it. He took out a $20 bill and asked me to sell it to him. I was in shock, and kept those $20 in my wallet as a good luck charm for several years.

Back then I was a naive art student who had no idea of how the world of art worked. I really didn't give much thought to how I would actually finance my art-making. Although all books I read seemed to agree that art supplies are expensive and teachers were always reminding us to save materials, I never really thought about the connection between spending money and making art. With the help of my mother's credit card in the beginning of each semester, I was able to avoid the fact that in order to keep creating, we need a way to finance our art. This might mean that we have a salary and some money left to spend on a hobby, or it might mean that we will take on the challenge of having our art finance itself, and hopefully, bring in income as well.

Although I have been making most of my income from art making in the past 4 1/2 years, I often try to find new ways and opportunities to cultivate the business side of art. In the past months, this has meant hanging out with a group of artists and artisans at the art and crafts mini fair at Julia de Burgos Cultural Center, here in my neighborhood in NYC. One fantastic thing about people who call themselves artisans (and to whom I will refer to as artists in this blog) is that they are very open to sharing ideas, talking about selling, and letting their colleagues know about new opportunities and products. One night we were talking and my friend and fellow artist Mercedes Molina (Spiritual Dolls), asked Olga Ayala how she began her crafts business. Olga is the coordinator of the arts and crafts fair, and an artist I greatly admire for her work, for her entrepreneurship, and for her commitment, or tesón in Spanish, to really explain what I mean. Olga is at every event I go to, and at the rest. She works constantly and her polymer clay pieces are truly exquisite sculptures. She told us that when her child was young, she was working full time, but could only make ends meet at the most, and needed an extra source of income to be able to do the extras: the movies, the popcorn, the little things we like to do for our kids. She had gone to an art high school, which allowed her to spontaneously begin creating art jewelry and selling it. This covered her extra expenses and little by little became a full time business that expanded into sculptures. For me, Olga has been an inspiration ever since I met her. She is not afraid to take 4 bins on the road and create a display that is beautiful and professional. She is both an artist and a business woman.

Like Olga, a lot of us have begun to see art as a way to generate some extra income, and slowly but surely have learned to see it as our main job, if not the only one. One thing I have learned in the last 10 years: an artist should never lack money. There is no reason for someone artistic and with a skill to be unable to finance art supplies and eventually make a living.

However, there is also 1 thing that will keep us from our dreams. That slimy creepy crawlies called insecurity and fear. We need to watch for preconceived ideas of what art is and what it should be, and what we are not willing to do. Keeping this in mind, we can start.

The first ingredient that we need to "make some money with art" is fun. Put a smile on your face as you work, and keep it when you take your art into the outside world. If you are not having fun, what will you offer your collectors? People who are attracted to art, like artists, are highly empathic. They really want to talk to you, but they also need to feel comfortable, invited. It is important for us artists to be able to translate our art-making feelings beyond the studio and share it with the viewers. The ecstasy we feel is what we want to give the people who see our work. We can only offer this if we are able to establish a connection, a rapport, with the people who approach us. It takes practice, but if we have fun at it it will come soon and natural.

The next thing we can do is reproduce our art to create affordable pieces that anybody can buy. I discovered this when I first started making greeting cards. I saw the photo-frame greeting cards in the art store and thought to buy some of them and sell them for $3 at an event I was organizing. I noticed how happy the people who bought them were about being able to take an image of my art home with them. They would tell me where they were going to put it, who they would send it to, why they liked it. This in turn made me feel great love and gratitude for their support. I had done some t-shirts before, and some silkscreens, but the $3 cards were both easy and pleasurable. They took so little effort and they featured my heartfelt artwork. This was a very different feeling from the t-shirts, which were hard to make, more expensive to produce and featured art that was not what I was doing at the moment. With the cards, once in a while someone would see or buy one, and come back for the original. Even more: by selling little greeting cards for $3, I would make enough to pay my taxis, and invite a friend or family to eat after an event.

Then I tried going larger and bought some 11" x 14"mats. These became as popular as the cards and allowed me to cover more expenses. At this time I had already begun attending arts and crafts events in a college near my home. I decided to reproduce most of my paintings in both greeting cards and larger prints. People would buy them as gifts and see my whole portfolio in the process. The professors still hire me to do workshops and commissions.

I have tried printing professionally, but it has not worked for me. I prefer to print very small batches and to have a limited quantity of each item, while at the same time having as many different images as I can carry. That way, a person comes and looks, we engage in conversation, I tell a story or ask the person something, and a very human experience emerges. Next time I see them, they kiss me!

What do we need to do this? There are many websites we can use to print, but I prefer to do it myself in order to control the quality, quantity and also the ability to create new reproductions and products. This is my equipment, and has been for several years. I use it also for artist packages, printing books, making digital art, and anything else I can come up with.

Essential Tools for Reproducing Art
•A computer with Photoshop. It is my one essential tool. To learn the basics, you can sign up for a good and inexpensive intoductory workshop in New York City at MediaNoche. The way I learned this program was by sitting next to a graphic artist whenever I had the chance and by reading a how to book.
•A great camera for large pieces and a scanner for smaller ones. I use a Nikon D70 and photograph the art outdoors. I have no other photographic equipment. For scanners, I am an epson fan (but I'm definitely not an expert in this field!)
•An Epson printer (Not the multifunction, I have one and don't like the printing quality, but I use it for copying and scanning.) Choose a simple, single function printer. Or go for the large format, more expensive kind. Always print in the highest quality (which will save you an immense amount of ink and money,) and choose the correct paper in the printer's application.
•Epson paper of the highest quality (4 star or 5 star). I prefer matte, it makes the colors look rich and professional. You can also choose better quality papers such as watercolor, canvas or Sommerset and sell your prints a little more expensively.
•Photo frame greeting cards.
•Mats. I use 11" x 14" with an 8" x 10" opening that allows me to print within the printer's parameters. I also buy them in bulk and save more than 50% of the retail price.
•Paper cutter. I use a rotary because it allows me to cut matboard (I need it for my hand-made books. I don't dare cut mat openings, it is the most horrible thing in the world...) Just make sure it is large enough to fit standard paper.
•Bags and photo mailers so you can safely ship and pack the prints and greeting cards you sell. Always put your business card in them so people can contact you in case they need more!

Also, and this is extremely important, know your audience. I often go to the Julia de Burgos Salsa Wednesdays with my table, and although I bring my hand-painted tiles and have even brought paintings, I make sure I have art for salseros boricuas, Puerto Rican salsa dancers and musicians. I print some images that I created back in my student days (even that one that the professor bought...) and some of the images from the t-shirts I made in 2000, when I was inspired by Afro-Caribbean music. I also bring all my other reproductions. It is always wise to have as much as possible.

Finally, trust that because you have created your art with great love, passion and commitment, there will be people who love it. And there will be people who make the strangest comments. Don't judge, just try to get to know people, what they respond to, how they relate to you as a person and creator. If someone approaches, say "hi" with a smile and make them feel welcome as if this were your living room. Please don't talk on the phone if you get bored! It will kill your image and your sales! Trust that by being there, you are doing your job. You are sharing with the world your truth and your essence.

The Four Daughters of Eve by Tanya Torres

A last, encouraging story: Why did Mr. Soto hire me to do all the murals I have done at P.S. 57? Because he saw a reproduction of my painting The Four Daughters of Eve in the office of my friend, Marta Morales. Reproducing your art does not deplete its essence as I have heard some artists say. It spreads it to a wider audience, and it makes it accessible and affordable for your future collectors. I just got invited to exhibit in Prague because an agent of the Prague Tourism Agency happened to come to the street film festival where I had set up my table, and saw my reproductions.

As artists, we need to make art, share it with the world and get as many people to see it as possible. We also need to keep our bank accounts in good shape. This is how I make some money with art. The rest of the money, as you can see, is derivative.

Un reganito bien merecido!

2011-07-24T20:47:00.002-04:00

Hi Tanya
Aca acabando de leer un monton de mensajes acumulados de todo un mes sin servicio de internet.

Ay!! siempre leo los tuyos primero, ya sabes jajaja... Este me ha dado una leccion acerca de mi propia timidez. Y bueno tambien fui timida cuando nina , pero una timida rara pues, hablaba con reimundo y to el mundo, pero eso decia la gente, que yo era timida. Ahora leyendo tu articulo me percate que como tipica canceriana me salgo y me escondo cuando se me pega la gana( pues soy de ganas decia mi abuela) y creo que eso es lo q he hecho en estos ultimos a~os con mi trabajo. Sacarlo y ensenarlo y cuando me dicen que esta bueno me asusto y me escondo, vuelvo y lo presento y lo escondo otra vez. Creo que esto me dice que tengo que salir y sacar tiempo para salir. Tengo que salir de la cueva!!!

Bueno pero te quiero reganar, si.

Mira lo que he marcado en este este parafo:

Humility, I think, is one of the highest virtues a human being can have. I try to practice it, as much as possible, and live it. It may not seem so to some people, but I do try. And I admire this quality in people. I admire the ability to step out of the I and engage the world from a less self-centered perspective. I do not want to feel like a looser, but neither do I want to think I'm a goddess. I aspire to achieving true humanity, a balance, truth about myself and the world. As an artist, I know I am not "the best", but I also know it does not matter as long as I offer what is uniquely mine. That is why, one day, I allowed myself to start painting images of women, images that have been responded to with passion by a lot of people, but images that might never get me into a museum's collection as they do not belong to the contemporary art scene. I have become close to incapable of creating art for the sake of getting somewhere. The only art I want to show is the art that feels close to my heart and that brings me closer to the hearts of what I consider normal people: office workers, retired teachers, church goers, friends from the past, people who dance on Wednesday nights, festival goers, etc.

Como es eso que usted no es una GODDESS!!??? Usted si es una GODDESS, si senora!! lo que pasa es que nosotros hemos aprendido el significado de diosa como un concepto negativo o de mucho egocentrismo, que solo se aplica a Dios como hombre y es una osadia aplicarlo a una mujer. Y la verdad es que no es asi. Todas las mujeres somos diosas, porque creamos y creamos to el tiempo, pintamos, bailamos, damos amor y sabiduria, ensalsamos los corazones de nuestros hijos y de la sociedad entera. Te imaginas un mundo sin unas bellas diosas como nosotras? Uyyy!!! que opaco!! A mi me da terror pensarlo. Yo aprendi a sentirme diosa no hace mucho tiempo , pero desde que lo entendi me siento super DIOSAy feliz aunque caiga un rayo partio a mi lado.jajaja...

Como es es eso que tu arte no va allegar a los grandes museos!!!!!!! aaaaahhhhhh!!! Claro que si llegaran tus pinturas y mucho de tu arte a adornar los museos mas importantes. Yo asi lo veo y te lo dice esta bruja. Y no porque lo vea esta bruja , pero porque las generaciones cambian y las mentalidades cerradas al fin y al cabo se van desapareciendo y toman fuerza las frescas y dinamicas. Crees tu que nuestros jovenes no llegaran a ser los lideres de las grandes exihiciones de arte? Claro que si. Y que tendran la mente tan cerrada como para no apreciar y valorar una gran obra de arte de la gran artista Tanya Tores? Jajajaja... yo me rio. claro que no!!!
Bueno quizas ni tu ni yo lo veremos , pero yo estoy segura que mi espiritu andara rondando por hay, para enforzar los espiritus vivos cuando eso pase. Jajaja... que rico se ha de sentir!!!!

La clave para mi prediccion esta en esta parte:

The only art I want to show is the art that feels close to my heart and that brings me closer to the hearts of what I consider normal people

Lo que se crea con amor y paz en el corazon, da vida y sabiduria y llena de luz a los que lo reciben. Ahora dime si tu eres una diosa o no!! Dime si te atreves a dudar que tus arte tocara otras nuevas generaciones de artistas por llegar? jajaja... es que me rio!!! por que me da gusto decirte esto jajaja....

Te quiero Gran Diosa y Famosa Artista Tanya Torres, eres mi inspiracion.

Migdalia

Como le dije a mi amiga y protectora hada madrina Migdalia, a veces se me olvida que mi arte si esta en la coleccion de un museo, y estara en mas. Trabajo bien duro todos los dias. Tomo decisiones dificiles de vez en cuando. Y a veces, suenno despierta con lo que podria pasar un dia. La carrera del artista es larga, confusa, frecuentemente dificil. No pasa mucho de un dia para otro. Pero hay algo bien, bien importante:

Hay que rodearse de gente buena que nos ayuda a corregir los malos pensamientos, que vea por nosotros las posibilidades cuando se nos niebla la vista. Porque yo lo puedo hacer por otros muy facilmente, pero que dificil es hacerlo por mi misma... No nos debemos poner limites y dificultades nosotros mismos: ya de eso hay mucho. Y si nuestros verdaderos amigos nos cuidan de nosotros mismos como me cuida Migdalia, entonces no habra nada que nos detenga jamas. Al que a buen arbol se arrima...

(Perdonen los acentos... estoy en la pc y soy una devota de mac...!)

My Favorite Magdalene Books

2011-07-23T13:36:00.005-04:00

Mary Magdalene of the Heart, by Tanya Torres

Margaret Starbird, The Woman with the Alabaster Jar

Cynthia Bourgeault, The Meaning of Mary Magdalene (This is my current favorite)

Jean-Yves Leloup, The Gospel of Mary Magdalene

Ester A. De Boer and Marvin Meyer, El evangelio de María Magdalena, La tradición secreta de María Magdalena la compañera de Jesús (this must be originally written in English)

Malachi, St. Mary Magdalene (sequence of stories in the gnostic tradition)

and last but not least, my very favorite and beloved novel:

The Secret Magdalene by Ki Longfellow (a wealth of references wisely incorporated into a work of fiction)

Here is a song by Raquel Z. Rivera, my Magdalenic compincha of the soul:
http://soundcloud.com/raquel-z-rivera/al-pie-de-la-cruz-first-jam
Al pie de la cruz (first jam with Desmar Guevara) by Raquel Z. Rivera

Mary Magdalene, the saint for all who believe in nothing but LOVE!
¡La santa de los que no creen en nada más que el AMOR!

Magdalenic Blessings to all my beloved companions in this blog!

On Mary Magdalene's Day•En el Día de la Magdalena

2011-07-22T11:18:00.002-04:00

El corazón significa amor, aceptación, compasión, perdón, renovación, harmonía, crecimiento y paz. El corazón de María Magdalena está lleno de todas estas cosas, y también de fuego. En el fuego apasionado del corazón, unimos pacientemente todo lo que es bueno hasta lograr crear la sana sustancia que nos da vida y que también nos da una clara percepción de todo lo que nos rodea. Es el antídoto del miedo y el elíxir de una vida llena de propósito.

¿Tiene la vida otro propósito que no sea el amor? Cuando lo alumbramos con el fuego de la pasión, derrite el hielo que el miedo intenta mantener bien duro.

(Algunos pensamientos acerca de María Magdalena del Corazón, de mi blog artístico, tanyatorres.blogspot.com)

Recibe esta Magdalena con mis deseos de que tu vida esté siempre llena de Amor, Paz y Creatividad.

The Heart stands for love, acceptance, compassion, forgiveness, renewal, harmony, growth and peace. Mary Magdalene's heart is filled with all of these, and with fire. In the passionate fire of the heart, we patiently simmer all that is good until we create the healthy concoction that sustains us and gives us a clear perception of all that surrounds us. It is the antidote to fear and the elixir of a purposeful life.

Is there any other purpose to life than love? When we light it with the fire of passion, it melts the ice that fear tries hard to keep unthawed.

(Thoughts on Mary Magdalene of the Heart, from my blog, tanyatorres.blogspot.com)

Receive this Magdalene, a work in progress, with my wishes that your life will always be filled with Love, Peace, and Creativity.

Tanya

www.tanyatorres.com

2011-07-08T11:41:00.002-04:00

"In the science journalist Winifred Gallagher’s words: 'The glory of the disposition that stops to consider stimuli rather than rushing to engage with them is its long association with intellectual and artistic achievement. Neither E=mc2 nor ‘Paradise Lost’ was dashed off by a party animal.'”

My friend Raquel shared this article in response to my fear of known crowds I mentioned in the previous post. We have discussed this topic often, perhaps not just as fear, but also as an uncomfortable feeling, a feeling of oppression. The article, which sheds light on the issue of shyness (human trait) vs. anxiety (illness) proposes that shyness is an evolutionary characteristic that can help human beings survive. It gives examples of highly successful people who, like us, live or have lived in their heads, but also have gone on to create great ideas and great advancements. I have been thinking about all this for a couple of days now, trying to figure out whether I'm shy or sick, or both, or none.

I don't really consider myself extremely shy. I used to be, as a child... a child who was also willing to MC her 6th grade parties (since nobody else would do it...) and sell jewelry to her classmates and teachers. I also have no problem standing in front of a group and giving a workshop or a talk. I don't lose any sleep over that. But...

When I am in a small group or a class or a group of people whose egos are too fragile (as they have expanded to the point of almost flying like a hot air balloon) I get anxious. In a class or small group, since I necessarily go into a cold sweat as I am about to talk, it is much easier: I just stay quiet. I find also that if the language is Spanish it it is much more manageable. But the art crowd, and the poetic crowd... the people who are supposed to be my peers... that is getting harder and harder. It is as if I could feel their pain while at the same time seeing the balloon is about to explode. It is too much for me.

Of course, I am not saying that all this is true. I am perfectly capable of thinking that it is my imagination playing tricks on me. And this leads me to think that there is another explanation:

OPRAH WINFREY: Okay. Behind every positive self consent is the hidden fear of not being good enough?

ECKHART TOLLE: Yes.

OPRAH WINFREY: Behind every negative self consent is the hidden desire of being the greatest or better than others.

ECKHART TOLLE: Yes.

"Part of me suspects that I'm a loser,
and the other part of me thinks I'm God Almighty."
John Lennon

Which is it?

There was a time, after the success of Battle Body, that I got so much into that role that I caught myself wanting the attention. When I realized this, I went into hiding for a while, a long while. It hurt my career as an artist to the point of almost disappearing, but it was worth it.

Humility, I think, is one of the highest virtues a human being can have. I try to practice it, as much as possible, and live it. It may not seem so to some people, but I do try. And I admire this quality in people. I admire the ability to step out of the I and engage the world from a less self-centered perspective. I do not want to feel like a looser, but neither do I want to think I'm a goddess. I aspire to achieving true humanity, a balance, truth about myself and the world. As an artist, I know I am not "the best", but I also know it does not matter as long as I offer what is uniquely mine. That is why, one day, I allowed myself to start painting images of women, images that have been responded to with passion by a lot of people, but images that might never get me into a museum's collection as they do not belong to the contemporary art scene. I have become close to incapable of creating art for the sake of getting somewhere. The only art I want to show is the art that feels close to my heart and that brings me closer to the hearts of what I consider normal people: office workers, retired teachers, church goers, friends from the past, people who dance on Wednesday nights, festival goers, etc.

People often use the word "vulnerability" when talking about me. I appreciate that. I allow that. And it is overwhelming sometimes.

I would be perfectly happy painting all day if only that made my living and I didn't have to promote what I make or adjust to my clients commissions and take into account their wants and feelings. I would still need this blog, possibly one of the few ego trips I allow myself (since you can choose whether to read it or trash it at any time...!), and all with the good intention of sharing my experiences and thoughts so that they might touch and encourage others to pursue their own dreams. These are the problems I encounter,often in my mind, while being pushed and pulled by the outside world to do this or that. And I crash, sometimes badly, for wanting so much to see deeply into each person who touches, however briefly, my own life. That might be, after all, the essence of my art, the connection that is necessary so I can translate into matter what is given to me to offer the world. I assume it, even if I might soon decide to avoid the known crows altogether and be free of that.

Jewish Sephardic wedding song from Morocco

2011-07-07T13:27:00.000-04:00

I discovered Jaramar through this woman, Francoise Atlan, whose voice has kept me company and taken me to heaven for the last few weeks. The discovery of the year! Hope you like her! This one is dedicated to Raquel, Yari and Maribel, who have shared and lived my Moroccan stories. Maribella, ¡vamos a tener que volver un día!

Jaramar - La Llorona

2011-07-07T13:21:00.000-04:00

I dedicate this video to Pablito, my favorite admirer of Mexican Culture, and a son of Mexico in his beautiful soul. I had never heard this woman before, but I think we all might agree that Jaramar's voice caresses both the ear and the heart! I love her!

Discipline

2011-07-07T00:52:00.003-04:00

I do not possess military discipline, and that's a fact. But when there is something I want to do, or need to do, or have committed to doing, I work and finish it. I'm not sure if this is actual discipline, or if it is just barely doing what I must. It is far too easy to get distracted by anything at all.

Today, for example, I had to go to the dentist. I did not make that appointment, my husband did. I tend to find very good excuses not to go, and the less I go, the more I fear it. But I go when I have to, so I went. It took the whole day. Well, I thought it was a good idea to walk to COSTCO and shop for food. And then I thought it was a good idea to rest and watch a movie, since I had come out of the dentist shaking, even after great news and no problems, which I consider a miracle since I always seemed to have a problem in the past. And then, I had to go see the unveiling of a mural, which might have been the true reason I was shaking. I am getting worse about [known] crowds as time passes. I don't mind being in a crowd as much as being in a known crowd. I feel awful, and lonely, and inappropriate, and ugly, and horrible. I have to really give myself a long ritual cleansing before an art opening. This is why I have decided I won't attend any more art openings if I can avoid it. But today I decided to drop by and kiss the artist and leave, which left me thinking that I had just been too horrible. I did stand in front of the mural, but there were too many distractions and I could not see it as well as I would have liked to. The percussion music was loud and was making me want to cover my ears and run away. In the end I could not decide if I had done something worse by going. It probably looked really bad that I left after about 15 minutes. But I just could not stay longer without going entirely nuts.

Add to this that last week I had a series of interviews, all independent of each other, for TV and for a possible exhibition in Prague next year. It was a great and promotion-productive week that distracted me to the point of not being able to do much this week or last. And what good are interviews if I don't have work to show in them? I mean, new work.

I am probably mixing "gymnasium with magnesium" but I get the feeling that even f I have a psychological problem, what really bothers me about the whole situation is that if I would have gone and work I could self-justify my insufficiencies and inefficiencies and would feel a little better about the whole thing. I need to gather my strength and not let my mind out of control, and work on my discipline. Actually, work with discipline.

I will pretend that my week actually begins in a few hours and start over, hopefully with the greatest discipline in the universe. I won't stop making books until they are done! I am writing it here so you will hold me accountable for this. As they say, "pull my ears" if I don't bring back a good report in a few days. It took all this time to design a cover and print and perforate and compaginate the pages. Now I need to sew 40 more books, make 49 heart pop-ups, cut 100 end pages to perfection, complete 49 covers (I have a few, but not up to standards...) And I want it all done by the end of the month. Discipline is the only way!

My only redeeming thought: I know I can. I have known discipline. I will find it again.

How to Make a Book, Part 3

2011-07-05T15:34:00.011-04:00

This is the last part of How to Make a Book by Tanya Torres. Here are Part 1 and Part 2.

Finally, we will make the book cover. You'll need the cover paper, mat board, a picture that is maller than the cover, scissors, mat knife, ruler, bone folder, awl, acid free glue, inexpensive paper for a template, and decorative paper for the end pages.

I chose to make the cover of my book like a little frame to hold one of the drawings that accompanies a poem in the book. These are my first tries at the final design of the cover, one of them was finally right!

I first made a template with the measure of the paper and the picture, so I could cut out the rectangle. I designed it in Photoshop, and used the picture to cut it at exactly the size I needed for the cover. You can see the edge of the drawing around the opening. I cut out the picture but left a thin edge so the decorative paper will completely cover the edges of the picture.

The template also helps me align the cover paper and the boards that will form the hard cover.

Place the template on the cover paper.

Use a ruler to score/cut out the rectangular opening.

Here is the scored rectangle. You may want to cut, but I only half cut because I am looking for a rugged edge. Decide what you want at the time you are designing the cover of the book.

Scrape with an awl to complete the cut.

With a bone folder, I smoothed and pushed out the edge of the paper. This paper is Somerset Velvet, which is very thick. It is, in fact, almost too thick for this project. Try to choose a paper that is cover weight at the most, and the process will be easier.

Cut out the front cover illustration.

Now you have finished two important parts of the cover.

Use a rotary cutter to cut the mat board the size of your cover. Notice I placed a piece of transparent tape to guide me. How do you measure the size of the pieces of the cover? Take one folded page of the book. Align the fold with the edge of the mat board. Measure about 3 millimeters above each of the remaining 3 edges of the mat board. The mat board will be slightly bigger on only 3 sides. The remaining side, which will go with the spine, will align with the pages of the book.

Cut the first piece. You will need 2. Here I measured mat board to fit two covers and one spine, as you will see in the pictures below.

Measure the spine to be the same size as the spine of your bound pages. Cut.

This is the spine. The remaining cardboard is the back cover.

My remaining cardboard is a little bigger than the size I need. Cut the extra material to make the back cover the same size as the front cover. You can recycle the extra pieces to help you spread glue.

Glue the picture onto the one of the boards.

Place the board under the opening of the cover paper and align it.

Glue the cover paper to the front cover.

Use the placement of the first board to align the spine and the back cover. Notice the spaces between the pieces. If you do not leave space, your book will not close properly. How much space you need depends on the thickness of your cover paper and bound pages, so you might need to experiment and waste some supplies. It's inevitable, but it is also worth it.

All pieces are glued.

Cut the corners leaving a small edge.

Use the bone folder to press the cover paper on the edge of the covers, top and bottom.

Fold the top and the bottom edges.

Glue the edges. I use wax paper to prevent the glue from sticking to my fingers.

Both the top and the bottom are glued.

Before gluing the sides, fold the corners. This will give your book corners a nice finish.

All four corners are folded in.

Use the bone folder to press the remaining sides.

Glue.

Use the bone folder to press where the book will fold.

The cover is done!

Now, glue the end pages to the last pages of the book. (Cutting these was your homework in the previous tutorial!)

Fold the end pages. Insert in the book cover, all the way to the spine. Glue the end pages to the cover.

This is the end page glued to the cover.

Now close your book, and enjoy it!

I hope you liked creating a miniature book! If you are interested in learning more or having me teach a workshop for your friends of organization, visit my workshops page for more information.

Find Materials for my tutorials in Blick U by looking up Tanya Torres Art Studio in the "Registries and Lists" menu. The materials for this workshop appear under the title "Bookmaking Tutorial." Thank you for your support!

How to Make a Book, Part 2

2011-07-01T12:09:00.018-04:00

For Part 1 of this tutorial, click here!

Last time, we poked holes on our pages. Did you get how to do it?
Here is a little video to help:

Next, after we perforate all the pages, we place them in order, side by side, like this:

Now, we will sew the pages:

Thread a needle with a strong thread long enough to sew all the pages.

Next, hold the first page and insert the needle through the first hole.

Think about what is logical to do now. This is important to realize because it will make your sewing easier. It would be logical for the needle to come out through the next hole. Do it!

Leave some thread hanging out of the first hole. We will tie it when we finish.

Next, make the needle go in and out of the next set of holes on the page.

The first page is ready! Now we do the same for all the other pages.

Insert the needle through the hole that is right next to where it came out from. Always do what is logical and easier. The pages of the book will tell you what to do. Repeat for each page.

Two pages will look like this.

Inside, the stitches should look like this.

Here you can see all the pages are attached to each other, except for the last one.

Use the needle to gather and tie all the center stitches. Tie the loose end from the first page as well. It does not matter how it looks. We will hide this part of the book and nobody will be able to tell how good your stitching is!

Pour some glue all over the spine of the book.

Spread it, but make sure it is a thick layer.

Place a piece of cotton cloth over the glue to bind it and hide the stitches.

Measure two pieces of headband to place on both ends of the spine.

Cut a piece of ribbon for a bookmark and glue it to the spine. Then glue both pieces of headband.

The inside of your book is ready!

Homework: Let it dry. Cut two pieces of decorative paper the same size as the book pages.

Your beautiful book is almost ready! Next and last, how to make the book cover and finish the book.

How to Make a Book, Part 1

2011-06-29T19:53:00.012-04:00

Do you have a poem or story that needs a special home? Get your manuscript ready and I will guide you, step by step in the creation of a handmade book.

This is my new miniature book, Destellos de Sofía. Read my post at tanyatorres.blogspot.com to see more!

Materials:
manuscript
mat board
decorative paper
text paper
paper cutter or mat knife and ruler
awl
bone folder
a piece of corrugated cardboard attached to a piece of matboard
needle
thread (button thread works great)
ruler
headband
thin ribbon
pva glue
a small piece of cotton cloth or thin paper

1. Design the pages: I placed 4 pages on one 8.5 x 11 paper. Horizontally, they go: 2-3, 4-1 on the top row.
I do the layout in Photoshop (you can use any program that has text boxes, including MS Word). I then print the same document on both sides of the paper. For each paper I print, I get 8 little pages, 2 of each. (Each row gives me 2 of the same page.) I used Epson matte double-sided paper on the highest quality of my Epson printer for this book in order to make sure that all the details of the little drawings were visible, even though they are greatly reduced from the original size.

2.Cut the pages

If you use use a regular 8.5 x 11" paper, then you don't have to cut, just fold in half. Since my book is 1/8 of the paper, I cut the paper in half until I get the individual pages.

These are the pages for each book. I design the book so that, with the first cut, I can have all the pages for one book together. That way I save time and effort later.

This is the process for cutting the pages:

Put both ends together, and press on the fold.

Do that on both ends.

Place on paper cutter or place your ruler, guiding yourself by the pressed points.

Cut.

Don't worry about the edges. They look better a little rustic!

Next step: Punching holes and organizing the pages

Here you see, from left to right, a bone folder, an awl, a template and a set of pages for my book.

Create a template for punching holes on your pages by perforating 4 holes on a spare page of the same size as your book pages. Fold the page in half downward and use the awl to punch two holes on the middle fold. This will give you 4 even holes. Or you can use a ruler and measure the placement of the 4 holes.

Fold each page in half and reopen it. Folding the pages before punching them makes it easier to perforate them.

Use the template to perforate a few pages at a time. Place them on a piece of corrugated cardboard backed by a regular piece of mat board. This will help you punch the holes with less effort.

Fold each page in half again and order them, side by side.You can use the bone folder to press on the fold and make it tighter. This will help the book stay closed.

To be continued... Next, we will sew the pages and get all the inner pieces of the book ready. In the last part you will learn how to make a cover for your book.

Feel free to leave questions in the comments of this blog post. Subscribe to this blog if you wish to get updates to this tutorial in your email.

Find Materials for my tutorials in Blick U by looking up Tanya Torres Art Studio in the "Registries and Lists" menu.

Loving Matisse

2011-06-19T22:58:00.004-04:00

Among all the wonderful treats I had this week, The Jewish Museum - Special Exhibition - Collecting Matisse and Modern Masters: The Cone Sisters of Baltimore was truly a joy to visit. I have loved Matisse for a long time, but ever since I read his two-volume biography, I have loved him even more. He was so incredibly committed to his art that, having achieved the impossible -getting accepted in the Academy without much pedigree and few recommendations- he gave all that up to radically evolve in his work to the point of having been called a beast, Fauve. Now it sounds like "fabulous" but for him it meant becoming literally the object of laughter and scorn. It also meant leaving behind a nice income to pursue a vision that was not shared by the art world or even those who had already gone against it, the Impressionists. Matisse, like Picasso, radically changed the definition of art, painting, color. But unlike Picasso, Matisse was also a man dedicated to his wife and family, serious about his reputation as a man as much as an artist. Of course, the art of an artist is not to be judged by his character, but I think it is good for artists to know that we need not be irresponsible in order to be good creators. Artist need not equal crazy.

Matisse was introduced to America by Gertrud and Leo Stein. The siblings began their collection of Matisse with that same painting that people were laughing at during an independent Salon, and placed it in their apartment, which became the place to go and see the most unique pieces of art in the Paris of the early Twentieth Century. Gertrude, also known as a writer, was the one who introduced Matisse to his "Baltimore ladies", the sisters Dr. Claribel and Miss Eta Cone. They collected his work and communicated with him though the years, acquiring some of his most significant work.

While I loved the odalisques in this collection, it was the drawings that captured me to the point of wanting to cry. Why do I identify so much with a line is beyond my understanding, but Matisse could just say such delicate secrets through his drawings that I cannot think of an artist that expressed more with so little. Picasso, yes, I love his drawings as well, but I am partial to Matisse because his subject matter is more appealing to me and because I just hear him better. His drawings are like those little bells they sound at the Catholic altar, a vibration that transforms your whole substance. Ok, I'm getting too abstract about it, but that's what Matisse's drawings do to me.

The exhibition is worth seeing for many more reasons, like Picasso, Gaugin, a beautiful scene of a cavernous pond by Courbet and the enchanting documentary that retells Matisse's relationship with the sisters and their particular vision about collecting art that, at the time, was not respected or appreciated by most people. The show includes objects acquired during their travels in addition to paintings and sculptures. The textiles are particularly spectacular, especially the Indian silk veil and the four-pointed lace chal.

Finally, this exhibition satisfies my voyeuristic tendencies in that it reflects so much about the psyche and lifestyle of the sisters that you can't help but wanting to join them on a ship's deck!

If you are on a budget, visit on Saturday morning at 11 am and it's free. Go early or you will suffer the crowd... You might feel different things from what I felt, but it is still probably going to be a worthwhile experience. I hope the beauty of the artwork envelopes your soul and fills it with joy.

Saying No

2011-06-17T20:35:00.002-04:00

"Mis antenitas de vinil detectan la presencia del enemigo."
(Bad translation: "My vinyl antennas detect the prescence of the enemy.")
Our childhood antihero will definitely not come to my rescue!

When I was about 12 years old, I had a problem. There was this boy I really didn't like, and he wanted me to be his girlfriend. The problem was I let a friend convince me to say yes. She made me feel bad for the boy, but once in the "relationship" (which might have lasted a few hours or even a whole day), I felt awful. I tried to prevent someone's pain by causing myself worse pain. Another friend, my actual best friend reprimanded me: "Tanya, don't you know how to say no?"

Unfortunately, she was right. I didn't know how to say no, and never learned. I sometimes think how lucky I was to have grown up in San Germán until age 15. It saved me a lot of trouble in a place where people more or less know their place. New York was a different story.

But fortunately romantic troubles are not the kind that trouble me these days. Unfortunately, the problem of saying no remains. When I do manage to say it, it is as if all the forces of nature were trying to rip me apart, and I often give in, and I often end up feeling miserable for agreeing to things I don't want to do.

The only solution to this problem is to learn to say no, so in the past few years I have been practicing this skill, with more success than when I was 12, but still feeling the weight of what I imagine to be the other person's pain on me. The question that always remains is "which is worse?"

Having gotten the worst too many times, I am intent on learning the skill of the "NO." A few times I have even canceled my yes in favor of a no, which I hate even more than saying no. So for my own sake, it is about time I learn.

Since everything you need to learn, life throws at you, this week I had several learning opportunities thrown my way. Two semi-failed attempts come to mind. One was a phone call I received yesterday from a woman I like and appreciate very much, but whom I had not seen or heard of in several years. She called me asking me for a date and time when "they" could come to me or I to them to talk about something important. My "little vinyl antennas" (for those of us who grew up with El Chapulín Colorado, you know what I mean...) began resonating right away, with a very loud and chillón sound that I just could not stand. Memories of religious proselytizers surrounding me as a 9 year old to convince me to convert sounded all the alarms in my brain. So I asked her, as politely as possible, to explain what it was "they" wanted to talk about. Since she had no choice but to tell me, she relented. It was something about fighting for the right of immigrants to vote. I felt so bad because I do believe illegal immigrants are human beings and that they do aport a great deal to this country, but me and politics are just two different species, and I had enough of marches and rallies as a child with my enthusiast parents. So I tried to explain how this is just not who I am and how I just don't know anything about politics and am no good at it, offending her in the process because "they" are humanists and also hate politicians. I offered to help by lending some art or designing a flyer, but no, her husband already does that. What she wanted was my people-gathering power, something people perceive me to have, but are unaware that whatever people respond to my calls do it because I am extremely careful to always stay true to who I am and what I offer the world. In the end I heard myself saying that I could send and email or something... which I really don't want to do. So, to summarize, I said a weak no followed by a compromise I don't want to honor, not because of the cause, but because I felt manipulated into something I was trying to say no to. And that's just it: she did not quite hear me say no. I failed.

Then earlier today, a friend calls and tells me this story, that was going to take two minutes but took ten. I had my mom and my mother in law in the background talking about la Comay, that infamous character of modern Puerto Rican folklore, and I was almost falling asleep from having woken up too early. The tale ended in an old man dying and leaving something under the bed and after his children having ransacked the dead man's riches, some paintings remained on the walls and were given to my friend's friend as a reward for having called the children before the police could get to the goodies. So this friend of my friend has contacted the grandson of the painter who has a gallery in Paris, but the guy has no money due to the harshness of the economic times, so the friend of my friend promised my friend to help him out of his troubles if he sells the paintings. If you ask me, this sounds very suspicious. And who does he call? The only painter that he knows, to help him come up with a plan to sell these paintings and make some money. I could almost hear his deflation when I told him that was not my specialty, but that I would look at the photos he was going to take of the paintings if he wanted, but I could not promise to help. Do people have any idea how difficult it is to sell a work of art? How much of a job it is? How many of us artists struggle to even get past the fear of showing our art? I don't blame my friend of course, because he believed his own friend and this story about famous paintings on the walls and he is just a guy desperate to improve his financial situation, but wow, how hard it was to feel all his enthusiasm go away with my tentative no. I was not made to break people's hearts.

And as a result, I keep breaking my own.

I wish life were a yes. But it's not. But how do I learn to say no and not feel like a horrible person?

Y ahora, ¿quién podrá defenderme? And now, who will be able to defend me, from myself, and my yes? El Chapulín, creo, se acabó. Though they say nothing is impossible...

Pipipipipipipipipi!

Twins

2011-06-17T10:06:00.003-04:00

The feeling of finishing a book is indescribable and yesterday I could hardly sleep because I managed, after a long, long time, to finish the first two little books of Destellos de Sofía. These are special artist proofs and not part of the edition, for which I plan to make 100, perhaps 50 in Spanish and 50 in English, although I have not yet designed the English book.

This book collects the poems I wrote last year, at least most of them are from last year, and published in L.I.F.E., Art and Letters. I feel each of them is a sort of prayer. While putting the book together, I realized that I had also a lot of drawings and that I very much wanted to do a book that brought together word and image, especially because I feel the drawings point to my own thinking about the divine. The drawings are not meant as illustrations, many were in fact created for other poems written by other people, but I placed them together because they are thoughts about the same, abstract, idea. One points out something about the other.

I have been working on this one for a while, and it is still not done, but at least I can say I kept my word to Yari and made our twin books. Yari and I have collections of each other's books, and she is usually the first to get a copy of any book I make, so for inspiration and energy, I told her I would start working on our books. Now when she moves back to NYC next month, I will have two more pieces for her collection, this one, and a Sagrario, which I recently realized she did not have. So if I die or disappear or get abducted by UFOs, you know where to find my books.

Now, since the paper you see in the pictures is probably unavailable, I need to find paper for the cover and decide on whether I will place another element to make the cover a work of art. So I have work to do, but for now, I share these to celebrate a little step in the right direction!

Moms' Work

2011-06-15T14:17:00.005-04:00

One of my projects this year was to teach the volunteer moms at PS 57 how to paint tiles. I also helped them create large painted foamboard figures to decorate the school for the big yearly event, Mano a Mano. For this second project, I claim none of the credit! Had it not been for Lucy Christians, it would not have been possible. She took upon herself the task to supervise and create the figures, I only produced the line drawings and designs and helped her with advise and moral support (don't we all need that!). Take a look at what a great group of committed moms and a supportive school principal can do!

Sagittarius

2011-06-11T21:07:00.003-04:00

I think she is a Sagittarius...

Sagittarius (11/22-12/21)

You're an integral part of a lot of positive things right now, whether you know it or not. Try to keep your involvement in your subconscious, or else you might get yourself worked up over fulfilling someone's unreasonable expectations. You're off the hook in terms of obligations -- so try to stay that way. Make an effort to be inconspicuous. Even if you're asked to join in, now might not be the wisest time to take them up on their offer. Lay low for a while.

A few minutes ago, I canceled a possible commitment for July, all because I was feeling this thing that I might travel at that time, but also because I need to stay and hide and start painting 3 large canvasses that have been waiting for me more than one year. I had no idea my horoscope for the day was going to tell to do just that... I wonder...!

I think my two month stretch of craft-faring has come to an end, or at least to a limited end. I lost count of how many things I have done in the past 3 months, but summer is almost here and that is a signal that I need to stop right now, and make new art.

I am thinking about Mary Magdalene. I want to paint a new one this year for July 22, to celebrate her day. I wish Raquel were here! and we could plan one of her promesas with singing and flowers and food. But, lets put it this way: New Mexico is not so far away...

I also need to finish the edition of the new book, Destellos de Sofía. I even have recruited a few volunteers to help me, so I might be starting next week or so.

All I want to do right now is hide and work. After this week, it should be possible.

I never really believed in horoscopes, but I couldn't help seeing all I need to do in this one. I think I will follow the Heaven's advise this time, and step outside of time until reality hits, once again.

2011-06-08T11:19:00.005-04:00

I read somewhere that an artist should grab any opportunity to show and promote her art. It seems I have taken this advise to heart in the past two months by taking my Exotic Ladies tiles on the road to every little art and crafts fair I get invited to. I sometimes wonder why I do it when I should be in the studio painting, but when I begin talking to people, it seems to me, a strange energy takes over me, and I'm in Heaven.

While I truly have come to despise non-intimate social gatherings, including art openings and anything else that makes you stand there and talk to people senselessly, I feel completely different about standing behind a table and hearing stories and answering questions about tiles...

O.K., they are not regular tiles, but little paintings on which I pour quite a bit of inspiration... and O.K., it is not only tiles but reproductions of my art... and O.K., I tend to generate new business from these... but it is talking to people that come by what really makes these moments great and jubilant.

Some people come back to tell me who and why they gave one of my pieces as a present. They tell me where they placed their print or tile and how when people come visit, they comment about the work. Or they tell me their stories of creativity, their wishes to paint or do art in some way. They tell me about their children and their talent. They tell me of precious objects they keep and cherish. And it seems to me I am not wasting my time, but performing some sacred service.

I do look forward to spending time alone with my new series of paintings, but for now, during these Puerto Rican days (the parade will be on Sunday,) I will continue to bring my table when I'm called, and making tiles of muses whose job is to help people dream. Isn't that priceless?

How to Organize a Book Presentation or Event

2011-05-31T05:34:00.000-04:00

Your work is ready, the time has come to celebrate its birth!

To put together a presentation of your creation, a book or art exhibition for example, is not that difficult. It is however, a process with a goal, and like any process, we have to follow certain steps:

1. Find a place to present your book and conceptualize an event that makes sense in that place. If you are an independent, like me and most of my friends, this place could be almost any place that makes sense and has chairs. A bookstore makes sense of course, if it is a book, but for me at least, it has almost never worked out in terms of getting paid, whether it is a big or small bookstore. What has always worked well has been to choose a place that I can borrow for free or with some kind of barter, and create an event that appeals to my audience. For example, when I first presented Battle Body, because it was about my experience with cancer, I asked if I could use the conference room of a hospital near my home. It sounds a little creepy, but it was a wonderful space with all the elements I needed: a large table for a bookmaking workshop, microphone, plenty of chairs and tables to display the books as well as artwork and other related items for sale. I had a room full of people who bought my book and made a book at the same time. When I encounter some of these people today, so many years later, they tell me they still have the little book they made.

When a friend asked for help to present her book, I suggested a library that specialized in Puerto Rican books (La Casa de la Herencia Puertorriquena) since she was presenting her stories, all related to Puerto Rican culture. We also knew the director. She got a free place to present her book with tons of chairs and a great atmosphere; he got his library dusted and spruced up. The place was perfect because it was on 5th Avenue, which made it accessible to most people. Sales were a success and she did not have to wait for her earnings, unlike me, who am still waiting for Barnes & Noble to pay me since 2009 (and no hope...) I also never got paid for 3 handmade books sold at HueMan in Harlem. Handmade books are works of art. Live and learn...

2. Decide on a date and time and design your invitation. Write your invitation's text, and design the invitation. I know a poet who sends simple cardstock postcards. She prints just the basic information on red cardstock, and signs her name. That works for me! You don't need a fancy invitation, what you need is a thoughtful invitation. You want the person who receives your card or letter to feel special and welcome. There are also websites that can help you design a postcard with your book cover or image. Or you can make collages with your book materials. How about sacrificing one book to the Muse and using the pages to print your inviation? Also, create an email version and send it to your list. Don't write too much in the invitation email. You might want to link to a website page where people can read about the work you are presenting, and buy the book.

3. Make a list of people to invite. If you read the other article, you know that this takes time. Download your emails and contact people personally. Send mail invitations. Don't trust facebook too much, but do send personal messages. Those get read, unlike invitations. Call people and tell them about your event.

4. Decide whether you will have a reception. I used to hire my mother-in-law to cook a great Dominican meal! Now I just keep it simple and buy nice gourmet things like Serrano ham, fancy chocolate and strawberries. I like to have a nice table full of beautiful food. But that's not necessary. People are there to celebrate your work and nobody will be offended if it's just you and the book, or you and the art! Although for art, it is customary to offer wine, cheese, crakers and grapes. Or at least that's the menu at most openings I've been to. As long as it is beautiful and complements the event, it will be fine. But I don't recommend putting out messy and broken crakers with American cheese and boxed wine. OK?

5. Make sure you have plenty of books to sell. I don't regret it now that they never paid me, but I was told to bring about 30 books to Barnes & Noble, I brought 35 and they ran out before everybody could get theirs. You just never know!

6. Offer more. You might not be the kind of artist I am, so disregard this part if it does not suit you. I always create prints and greeting cards as well as other products to sell in addition to what I am presenting. It might help pay for all the expenses such as food and postage. Or it might pay for some of your time. Last October, when I took Song of the Magdalene to Puerto Rico with my friend, the singer and composer Raquel Z. Rivera, I brought some books, greeting cards and prints to sell in addition to the paintings, which were not all for sale. They paid for the entire 2 week trip and meals with my special guest -my dad- and I had some left over. If you are a poet, you might have greeting cards with verses or matted prints with poetry. You might learn to make books and create a special edition for the event. For an author of fiction or non-fiction, a t-shirt with a witty quote from your book might be fun. Be creative and think of what you like and who your audience is. Or just keep it simple and concentrate on the book you are presenting, or the art you are showing.

The reason why I do the extra products is because it is the people who have bought or seen my prints and other products that usually hire me for commissions or buy originals. Inexpensive items make the art more approachable and less scary to ask about. It is a win-win because anybody can buy an inexpensive inspirational object that pleases and inspirees, whle at the same time it helps me continue doing this work I do. So that's why I am not against reproducing my art. Some artists decide not to do this for different reasons and I agree with them too. But for me, because my purpose is to get into as many hearts as possible and bring a message of love, peace and creativity, a little greeting card going home with a friend or a stranger becomes a way to pursue this mission. Also, this kind of item often creates conversation and interaction that I can handle better than just standing there and feeling shyer by the second. Plus I love the stories of people who come back to tell me where they placed the tile or who they sent the print to and why. It is great to sell a painting, but to know that a blind woman in PR has a print because she touched my painting as she heard her niece describe is a greater gift to me than anything in the world.

7. Now that you have your place, time, ideas and product, make a to do list. List everything you need to pack, buy, borrow, write, organize. Make a super-detailed plan that you can follow when your mind goes blank from all the stress. Also, enlist help and write it down. Think of the entire plan, step by step, practicing the sequence in your head. Go back to your list often and check each task as you do it.

8. Don't forget to choose what you will read or say. Print it if necessary or mark it on the book. It is very annoying and unprofessional to be looking for a poem in the new book while your audience waits and becomes impatient.

9. Once the big day arrives, take the day off. Don't do too much that day, just rest and prepare for the event. If you have not gathered everything you need, do it early. Give yourself a few hours of rest and even beauty sleep before the special moment.

10. Don't forget to thank everybody that helped. Without support, life is less fun and more difficult.

11. If you can, celebrate your victory and bravery! If you have someone close, who understands what you are feeling at this moment, stay with that person for a while and share your thoughts, relive the night, get it all out of your chest. Congratulations! The world has met your work!

A way to look at art

2011-05-28T09:00:00.005-04:00

"We can pass by a piece of art and judge it at a glance. We can also choose to spend time in front of a piece of art in an attitude of respect, asking for the grace to enter in communion with the art, with the artist. Then, even if our intelligence does not understand everything, our judgment will be different."

Laetitia Palluat de Besset

I studied art, art history, art criticism. I went to college and graduate school for 6 years and studied hard. But I learned little about looking at art and truly appreciating it. In fact, I am still in the process of learning this, since art often presents challenges that our minds, which love to believe in something and declare it the truth, are often closed to the visionary quality of new art.

I have once in a while sat at my dining table with a good friend, or with a group of friends, and complained that I am afraid I don't like art. Most people will agree with this statement on some level, and truths even harsher than my own will often begin to come out as soon as I open the gate. I have to accept, though, that it is the art that seems like an imitation of the recent past which I don't like. I don't like garbage in art, unless the artist has truly transformed it into a wondrous new thing whose essence is filled with the grace of God.

These are big words. I don't often mention God. God is such an intimate idea to me that I probably will go red and my words might stumble if I were to talk aloud about God. And art, I feel, has always been my connection to God.

That is because creating art is what brings me closer to myself and to Love. And looking at art creates this same feeling, this same comfort. Being surrounded by the work of artists is beyond our normal existence. The work is the gateway.

I believe my complaint comes from the violence I often perceive in new art. I need it to be blended with beauty, with the love of the artist which, like sugar in cough medicine, lets you into this other dimension gently, even if what awaits is a knife through the heart. Art and beauty, in my mind, are lovers. Their child is truth.

Of course, this is very judgmental toward other artists. Even toward myself as an artist. Art is also about freedom, about encountering the new, often through mistakes. A mind who encounters art needs to be open to the possibilities. A mind in communion with art needs to be connected to the heart, where compassion resides. But in truth, I have never felt this judgemental about the work of an artist I have met as a friend or at a personal level, but I often feel it when I look at glossy art magazines or when I go to a museum or commercial gallery. I think this is because when I encounter the work of an artist, even if I am not naturally drawn to it, I approach it with the same compassion as I would approach the artist as a person. And when I get to ask questions, I get to understand ideas better.

Compassion, then, becomes an effective way to approach art. Standing in front of a work of art, asking for grace to receive it as a messenger of truth, as a carrier of love, as a cry for peace, and taking it in without judgement becomes both an exercise in compassion and a way to understand art on a new level beyond the physical and even the emotional levels of the human being, letting the purity of our soul teach us, lead us.

In order to buy a piece or art we must like it. It must communicate with us and we with it. But in order to appreciate it and take with us its message, its truth, we need not judge it from a personal point of view, but from the perspective of love. If it does not talk to us, well, it might be the people at my table are right and it is just a residual effect of the 60s. But at least we get the chance to walk away from it knowing that we encountered it from our heart and offered it our compassion. Us artists might remember that the next time we create something, and stop the trip down sub-memory lane to move into the future.

As observers, our job is not to judge (we leave that to the professional critics and buyers,) but to learn and take with us a higher experience, a divine experience. It is OK to keep going, though, if the gate remains closed. There is always the MET for the Reparation of the Heart.

Kitchen Story

2011-05-23T14:03:00.005-04:00

"Hi Tanya, I am so happy with my kitchen! I love it! I've been calling it my Sistine Chapel!" said Ms. Katherine with her usual sweetness and enthusiam. I breathed relief until I heard: "But I see these gray spots, I don't know what it is."

I had to come by anyway to see the work, take pictures, celebrate a success, get paid... and I assured her that I would come by and look and we would take care of it. I suspected a problem with the grout, I just could never have imagined its magnitude.

The tiles were spotted with gray all over. A bad grouting job, traces of glue here and there, grout stuck on the groves formed by the gold detais on the flowers and butterflies, green paint on the edges of the bullnose tiles, areas missing grout, damaged tiles. I wanted to faint. But I didn't. A great sadness took over me and the only thing that I could hold on to at that moment was the fact that Katherine told me she was 90% happy. I knew I had done my best. I had painted each and everyone of those tiles with the greatest love, even the extra 50 or so that had not been counted when the contractor took the measurements. At each problem, I had been able to keep going with a positive attitude, with the hope that everything would be fine in the end and that this was my first time doing this and a learning experience. But, due to the construction chemicals or some error in the baking process, there was also a batch of tiles (not seen here) on which the paint was coming off. Seeing all my work damaged and deposed of its freedom and shine was painful, a punch on the face.

My "expert" had messed up. And he had gotten paid in full. And he had told this nice lady that I would take care of it. I would, but I still tried calling him, and told him that this was his job and that I expected him to call Katherine and make an appointment with her and then call me so I could come too. I was talking to a machine. I went home to think.

My worst fears were coming true, but I had to make a decision: make the culprits pay for it, or fix it myself and make my customer happy. I chose both I guess, but mostly the make my customer happy part.

On Friday, I filled a bucket with tools and supplies, and got to work. 4.5 hours later I had cleaned most of the grout. I had cleaned most of the grout with my bare nails. Literally, I scratched the grout and glue that were messing up the tiles with my thumbnails. Some more paint came off, but I had decided I would do the best I could. Scratching by hand was the best I could do, WHo would do that? Certainly not a man. A tool lacks the nerves necessary to help control the pressure placed on the paint. A "regular" man lacks the patience to stand up there and wet and scratch, scratch and wet, tile by tile. I felt better when I was done, but I still had to repair the other damages.

After another 4 hours on Saturday morning, I finished scraping grout and glue and painting spots. Several tiles had been badly damaged and I told Katherine I would paint new ones if she got our contractor to replace them. I secretly made up my mind to see him the next day and ask him, and spare her from the pain of talking to him. Fortunately he had called her, so he was still in the map. I would find a way to keep things flowing positively, even if I could feel my own anger seeping.

I saw him the next afternoon, explained the problem, explained why I had chosen him, explained what I wanted, and only heard excuses and the fact that taking off a tile might damage all the tiles around it. Can't take that risk. But at least I was able to forgive him, let it go, by being able to talk and listen. I heard him accept certain things, like applying a cleaner to the problem wall, like being sick at the time, like not having hired help and not having asked me for help even when I had told him I would and had actually been to help order the tiles twice to make sure they were placed correctly. No I'm sorry, no appology to me or my customer. But I don't want bad energy between us, so I tried to be gentle and understanding and tried to remember we are all human.

I am still trying to figure out how to artistically fix the problem tiles. I don't want to risk removing them and messing up more of the work. But I will consider it too because I need my customer to be 100% happy. I need a couple of weeks to recover and get over the feeling of defeat. In the meantime I posted the nice parts in Facebook and lots of people liked them. I love how the main part came out and I can truly say that they look beautiful except for the details that were out of my control, like traces of lime green paint on the bullnose tiles that I tried to cover up with mediocre results.

Things I learned: how to design the tiling for a wall, how to support the tiles while you mount them, how to finish the edges, that grouting needs to be done very carefully and that I have to do it myself if necessary since no contractor is going to love my tiles the way I do, to be there and be less trusting. to do the contracting myself and hire a worker so I can control the quality, and that even though I had tons of problems with this project, I can get over them and still be civil with people. That I can do this, if I choose.

I completed 4 tile murals while all this was going on. And the kitchen is done. Now I need to take care of a few details and we'll be happy in the end. Last night I dreamt that Katherine had painted the bottom of the tiles white, and I cried so much in the dream. When I woke up I still didn't know if it had actually happened and had to think of what I had done each day in order to figure out if the tragedy was complete. It was just a dream... and the reality if far less complicated. I know it will be fine in the end.

Katherine asked me to create the designs based on the details of a tile she bought from me from the very first batch of tiles I made. She chose the Muse with green hair, which became the centerpiece of this project. The original tile is at the top of the window, by itself. The empty space to the left is for placing a clock.

Mary Magdalene and the Path of the Imagination by Tanya Torres

2011-05-19T12:35:00.003-04:00

I made this slide show for a talk at the University of Southern Connecticut last month (see Service). It is about my Magdalenic philosophy, or lessons learned as I painted the Magdalene. Hope you like it!

How to Promote a Book (and Anything Else)

2011-05-18T20:11:00.005-04:00

Ever since I started making books in 2001, and continued to produce art ever since, I've been trying all kinds of different things that can help promote the work once it is done. In fact, the work is not really done, because once the work is finished and ready to share, we need to get it into people's hands and eyes in order to find out how it impacts the world!

Before launching a project, there is much work to do to make sure the first presentation of your work is a success that will help you connect with other possible outlets for your work. This is where you share it with the most important people in your life as well as strangers interested enough to attend the launch. You should be ready to follow up on any opportunities that might arise. People might invite you to do other presentations or write an article, or buy the book for a special person in their lives. Your work will leave you to enter other people's hearts. It is your job to provide support so that it can flow smoothly on its way.

First, set a date, time and place for a presentation. I have presented or helped people present books at art galleries, libraries, bookstores, hospital conference rooms, cultural centers, and more. People present their artwork at many different places as well. For my most recent body of work (Song of the Magdalene, consisting of a handmade book and a series of paintings) I bought collapsable easels, put my paintings in a portfolio, and traveled with 5 to 12 paintings and a little book altar to churches, cultural centers, colleges, offices, and other such places in the US and Puerto Rico, presenting them to all kinds of people. But the very first presentation was key, because it gave me the opportunity to put together different promotion materials that I would continue to use for all other opportunities that arised.

Writing a press release about my work gave me a base to write proposals and send information to people who were interested in inviting us, my creative partner, Raquel, and I, to their places of work or spiritual practice to present our work. So, after you have the time, date and place, reserve some time to write a press release and/or book facts sheet in which you give a description of your work and information about yourself and the upcoming event. This description will not only help you get your book noticed, but will also help you think about it in preparation to answer questions and talking about your work. It is a sort of brainstorming exercise that will put your mind in order and help you focus on the task of promoting your book.

Your biography is essential, even if you don't like to talk about yourself. People like me love to find out who is behind the work, and normal people who invite you to present your book need to give an introduction about the author, for which you need to provide information.

Depending on how many people you know and know you, try to figure out how much space you need. In my experience, I plan for 25-50 people. But a small group if great, too. The purpose of this first presentation is to get started.

Try to make this presentation your own, only you. When I presented my book Cuerpo de paz, I had a shared presentation with a girl who only spoke English, and her audience too. It was very difficult for me, because some of the people in my audience spoke only Spanish, and one of the pieces I read was funny, so there were people laughing themselves to death while other people were wondering what all the fuzz was about. Nobody threw tomatos at me, but I really felt uncomfortable knowing that some people would be left out no matter what language I used. However, if you have a creative partner in another discipline, this will probably work in your favor by exposing people from another world to your world. Raquel and I did our project together and we launched it together. We worked separately but collaborated by sharing ideas, conversations and support. When we presented at la Fundacion de la Musica in Puerto Rico, most people didn't know me, but I still sold pretty much all the cards and prints I had available, as well as several books. This is because we were able to support each other rather than create competition. Someone could both like and understand the music CD she was presenting and my paintings. If this is your first book or work, though, and you have worked super hard at it, and your heart is in it, go solo. Give yourself and your people the opportunity to savor the glorious moment intimately!

To start planning, you might follow these steps:

1. Make a list of all the people you know. This might take a few days, so start right now even if your book is not written yet!

2. Collect all your adresses, both email and physical addresses of people. If you don't have the address, turn this into an opportunity to reconnect with friends. If, like me, you find this to be a stressful and scary task, take it a little at a time. Don't do too many at once.

3. Create a greeting card or postcard with your book cover or visual image of your work and the information about the presentation. If you don't have photoshop skills, make a collage or something by hand and scan it. Give it a personal touch. When I was promoting my handmade book Cuerpo de batalla, I took the leftover materials and a business card with the cover image, and pasted them artfully onto a blank greeting card. People will know how much you care about your work.

4. Another long and may be difficult task: write a little note on your invite to personalize it. Even just a short phrase and your signed name create a nice impression. People no longer receive nice mail. We only get bills or credit card offers. Getting a little note makes us smile, helps us remember our own humanity and need to connect with other human beings. Even if the person does not come, your stamp will not be wasted if you help them smile!

5. Create a jpeg of your invitation, 72 dpi, for Internet.

6. Create a blog in which you write about different topics related to your book, and post updates on your achievements, links to interviews or reviews, thoughts, wishes, photos, and any other ideas that make sense. Do this before the launching. It is good to have at least 10 posts before you share it with people.

7. On your blog, create a column in which you have a link where people can buy your book. Add other information and links. Don't make it all comercial, though. Put interesting, interactive, funny, pretty and/or informative information and images. Put links to your friends blogs and work. Share and people will share with you. We cannot do this alone. We need the support of other people, and we need to give the same in order to receive it.

8. On your blog, create a page with your biography and contact information.

9. On your blog, create a page with information about your book and a link to buy it. You can use paypal and ship it yourself, or you can get your book in amazon or lulu and have them ship it. With my books, I ship them myself if they are handmade. I shipped Cuerpo de paz until recently, but a few weeks ago I decided to let amazon or lulu ship because it saves me some time. I do miss the opportunity to dedicate the book to the person who buys it and I do not get the address information, which is not good because I never get to find out who bought the book. It is important to always keep in touch with the people who support our work. This way we have the opportunity to thank them personally and once in a while send a nice written thought their way.

10. Create any other pages you might need. Get inspired by people who have done blogs and websites you admire. Also, create a subscription form so that people can automatically get updates when you post and you can build your email list.

11. Buy a dot com with the title of your book and another with your name (or just the one you prefer) Redirect the dot com to your blog. Now your blog is also your website or $5 to $20 per year. Cheap! Also, every author or artist should secure their own name, I think. You don't want people typing your name to find that someone else is more famous than you!

12. Create a business card with design elements from the cover of your book (or the cover, if appropriate) and your information on the back. Put it in every book you sell so people can contact you for speaking to groups.

13. Create bookmarks and give them out as souvenirs as well as leave them at appropriate places.

14. And just to think a little about the future: Contact people who might be interested in sharing your book. Be available for public speaking. If this sounds scary, just think that you wrote the book. You know everything about it! Busy people probably won't come to the presentation, but if they like what you have to offer they will invite you to their colleges, groups or share information about your work with their friends. It is important that they know it exists!

15. Share the image and invitation in your social networks. Not to put negative thoughts in your mind, but people don't really pay that much attention to Facebook invites. Find ways to make your book interesting to people, find out what it is that they need rather than just assume they need your book or work. Be careful not to send yourself in an ego trip. Above all, stay real and stay in contact with your people. Be a good listener so that you can learn what is it that makes people respond to your work. Post updates to your blog in your social networks. This might be more effective than a standard invitation that does not even get to the message inbox. Give people interesting information that they value. It is about them, not about you!

Now you are ready for sending the invitation, both in the snail mail and email. Add a business card with your web address and email to each mailed invitation. Answer ALL the email you get, even if they say just "good luck". You can always say "Thank you so much." You are not just thanking the person, you are thanking the Universe.

Get ready for your special moment with your special people who love you and support you. Your work is ready to see the light!

A Visit to Uncle Jose

2011-05-16T00:04:00.004-04:00

"I will tell you this like I used to tell my daughters," said Uncle Jose in his cibaeno Spanish to Julian, who had just met him again after 2 birthday parties, one excuse, and today, post birthday party 92. "If you don't want to be a parasite, study, go to school. Do you know what a parasite is? A cockroach, a..."

He didn't get to finish the list of parasites since it had already been an hour and it was time to go. Juan had excused himself yesterday by not feeling well, but today, even if we had avoided the crowds, we could not avoid the speeches.

The last time we visited Julian's great uncle was so many years ago nobody can remember, but what we all remember, because he made sure to show us the photo, is when he came by to visit when Julian was born. He proudly held the little frame with the black and white picture I took to commemorate the occasion and then sent him and his family as a gift. Him, already the ancient, little, white, skinny old man who better resembles my own family than Juan's. Before Julian's birth we had not seen him for at least a year, possibly much longer, since he passed on going to our wedding because, well, the invitation contained a poem that mentioned several pagan gods and other blasphemous, non-catholic spirits. I guess I've always felt a little guilty for writing that poem that inadvertently cut off Juan's only connection to his father's family. It was not like he never spoke to us again, but he didn't come to the wedding either.

Today, as we stepped into his apartment, his still good-looking wife received us with hugs and smiles and guided us into the living room where we found uncle Jose lying on his sofa, like a small child, covered in blankets and comforted by pillows, although not for long. He was soon walking around trying to find us chairs and looking for the photo to show Julian. He was happy to see his family.

We went to visit because, since he is turning 92, he once again made his 7 daughters celebrate his birthday with a gigantic family gathering because, since he is probably dying soon, he wants to see everyone.

Only that this has been going on for at least 4 years and he is still "vivito y coleando" and we just found out that he has a brother who is 99, so there might be at least 6 more parties in the coming years. Even though he's had tons of operations, and the last time we saw him he shocked Julian and Jean Carlos by sneaking away from the 16 watchful eyes of his wife and brood to have a smoke, today he seemed livelier than ever. He had gained weight and even showed us his fattened tummy, which surprised me by looking young and wrinkle free. Why is it our hands and faces age so much but our bellies like to be tight and fat? He was watching a kids show with puppets singing a freaky kids salsa song in Spanish about Jesus and the Virgin Mary. Julian was scared in his intellectual kind of way and I was wondering what that was all about when his wife changed the channel to a comfortable "Classic" Yankees game that I also found kind of obscene since I can understand reruns of Law and Order, but baseball games? I can never forget my own naivete when I asked Juan when "sports season" would be over, having patiently awaited for months to get out of the house and do something. Imagine my disappointment when he enlightened me...

And it seems Uncle Jose, rosary close by, crucifix reflected on the mirror, bare gray walls holding his wedding picture from 50 years ago, perceived our lack of enlightenment as a family when he started asking did we know how many abortions are performed every year? "160 million" His 30-years-younger wife proceeded to enlighten him by reminding him that might be the wrong figure, but it didn't matter because his point was that how are there going to be any new priests and nuns now that there are no families and so many of them are being killed even before they are born...

Our visit did not last long. We had some very good coffee in little Italian cups and we laughed and traced genealogies and met the picture of Julian's great-grandmother, whom none of us had seen before. Julian soon claimed he was dying of hunger, and literally, the life was draining out of him, he was fainting on the leather sofa like he had not eaten in weeks, months on end, years!

But as we were trying to escape, with a mixture of tenderness and dread, confusion and well being, Uncle Jose decided to look for yet another photo, and he would have climbed on a chair to reach it had it not been for all the attention he was getting already.

He can no longer walk the whole block, his lungs sound like an out of tune orchestra and his religion is fierce, but one can't but feel that this man, who lost his only son to a violent death, who clings to life with all his might so that he can make it to one more birthday of family and confirmation of his legacy on Earth, who is the only thin thread to the father my husband lost at 7 months of age, this man has had a fulfilling life. He wants to stay, perhaps out of Catholic fear of death and decay, or perhaps out of love for all his creation. Or both.

I make fun of my husband, telling him he has good genes, that he is going to last a long time. He won't have 7 daughters to celebrate his birthdays, and probably will be a widower long before his 99th birthday, but we do the best we can to be a family, even if we don't like family gatherings much. And, I'm proud to say, we don't own any parasites such as cockroaches that I know of, although my house, at this moment, is not a good sight. We always make our guests coffee and serve it in little cups with little spoons and saucers, we too give people hugs and smiles. I complain sometimes about the violent streak of contemporary art, and preach about the cultivation of peace and love and good stuff like that. I might even be like Uncle Jose one day: Do you know how many books made of paper have been eliminated thanks to those e readers?! 4404040330303030 million! I hope my husband can correct me gently. There might be another little boy dying of boredom in the room. I hope I remember he hungers for more than old people's talk.

Veiled

2011-05-11T17:06:00.000-04:00

I can't remember her name,

now that she wears the veil,

now that she is taller,

the face of serious measure,

a young face framed,

by the cryptic fabric of womanhood,

as prescribed by honor,

men,

moms,

grandmas.

And would I not have worn it, too,

surely proudly,

had it been me,

held in the arms of caring women,

whose advice might have saved me,

even if just for a while.

I can no longer judge,

had I a daughter and

the spiderweb of family,

whether I would provide,

the kiss that seals her honor,

saves,

perhaps.

My own mother fought for

what she thought was freedom,

liberating us,

her daughters and my daughters,

to nakedly choose our own truth.

And now I,

having let down my own veil,

which was placed on my head by the invisible hands

of all that did not change,

and having,

ended up,

all the same,

disturbed,

can't even remember her name,

can't recall who she is or was or could be.

Is it all the same?

Why can't I remember her name?

Has the veil erased it?

Or has my own conversion

impaired my memory?

Para sanar el corazon

2011-05-10T11:35:00.004-04:00

Porque a todos, de vez en cuando, nos duele el corazon... comparto esto que me llego esta manana para la mama de una amiga:

Hacer acuarelas abstractas de colores brillantes, especialmente el azul para la paz y el verde para la esperanza, para ayudar a balancear sus energias. Todo lo que tiene que hacer es tener una libreta de acuarelas, mojar el papel con la brocha y agua clara (le puedes conseguir agua bendita) y poner unas gotitas de agua en los "cakes" de acuarelas. Cuando se disuelva la pintura, usa la brocha para poner color y deja que se mezclen los colores. Que trate de hacer esto sonriendo y respirando. Que haga una para cada uno de sus nietos y luego para cada uno de sus hijos. Luego, cuando este mas fuerte, que haga una grande para ella y la ponga en la pared frente a su cama. Que haga un gran corazon rojo y brillante en el medio, con rayos blancos saliendole alrededor y llene el resto de colores brillantes.